The Choice
by EnchanteRhea
Summary: Promise me, that when this hell is over, you will live to remember. Only now, Ghost knows how hard it is to keep such a promise. The war is over, but Peace is never a sure thing. Will the current events help him out, or bring him down? [discontinued]
1. The Letter begins

**Disclaimer: **Obviously, I don't own the Matrix, Trinity and Ghost. [Though I wish I owned the latter :P] So don't sue me. Rather than this, please Read and Review. 

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**The Choice**

Day 1

_Dear Trinity,_

_I cannot help but wonder, now, as I finally sat down and let my thoughts run all over my head… After all that time, I feel that I can't hold them within anymore. I tried, dear god I tried, but they keep coming back, in dreams and when I'm awake. And even though I know nothing that surrounds me here is real, but god, I know all too well that everything that is burning now inside of me is more real than the most biting reality. It's amazing… if all of that is believed to come from the heart, how come that there is no escape for me, not in reality, where both my mind and heart dance a gentle ballet of affection around you, nor in here, where it's only my mind, and my mind alone. The more days pass, the more I realize that I had left my heart on that ship as it left, into darkness, into the unknown. I left it there, willingly, I let you take it with me. After 12 years, I finally gave up. God, I would have given it to you in my hands, if only you would accept it. I would have given you more than this, on this journey, and on any other. I would have given you all the love of this world, how little of it there's still left in this cold and unwelcoming place. No… It's never really been like that to me, neither cold, nor unwelcoming. Not since from the very first day, you were near, even when we were at a distance, I had you in my heart, the sweet memory ever alive in me. And damnit, Trin, you left more warmth in there than there had ever been before you came. But now… now, it's slipping through my fingers. Still strong enough to keep the one inside going, but it's begun to let the outside slowly die. And if it's to come, let it come soon, because every day without you is pain._

Ghost sighed, and slowly put the snow-white sheet of paper, now marked with small black letters away on the bench. Leaning back, he closed his eyes and squeezed them tight. He held his breath. All of a sudden, a strange feeling came over him. He felt that if he opened them, she would be there, standing in distance as she used to in the past, watching him with that mischievous grin she could never help when she came to his virtual asylum. 

They would just sit and talk, for long hours, forgetting both time and place; or spar, arguing who this time would take one hell of a beating. He recalled her asking once, if he didn't mind her interrupting his moment of peace. God, he didn't mind, he was always awaiting it. Each time he jacked in, he hoped she would come. Even if he knew all too well that she was far away, the hope was there, burning somewhere deep in his heart. The only moment of privacy he could get, with her, when no eyes of another would watch. 

--

_"Ghost?" she asked, pulling him out of the well of thoughts that seemed to have swallowed him as soon as silence had fallen between them._

_He raised his head and watched her a rather absent look. He hoped she couldn't read on his face what was going on in his mind. The sound of her voice caused yet another sensation running through him, overwhelming, and so sweet that he felt as if he could fly. For real. _

_"Now what?" he asked back, mocking her tone. He couldn't let her know that each word she spoke remained, imprinted, deep in his mind. She couldn't know. In all those long years, he could share everything with her – everything but this. What good would it bring, it would only complicate things even more. The last thing he wished for was to make her life even more complicated than it was._

_"You seem distant." She spoke quietly, watching him a serious look. "I mean…" she paused, narrowing her eyes a bit, "more than usual. You okay?" with that, she placed her hand on his and squeezed it gently._

_Ghost made what effort it took to remain calm, while all of his being was trembling. He forgot that this wasn't real. Each and every minute spent with her _was_ real, whether in the virtual, or the real world. He shook his head, forcing a smile. "Of course I'm okay." He looked at her, his eyes meeting hers. Oh, god. He could drown in them; the never-ending depth was swallowing him, calling to him. He looked away. "Got lost in thought. Just a bit." _

_"Your mind seems to wander a bit too much." She said worriedly, but a smile bloomed on her face as soon as she finished, and the sound of her voice faded. Ghost's face brightened, and he looked back at her. _

_"So does yours."_

_She smiled. The sweet, warming kind of smile only she could give him. And yet, he could see sadness hidden behind that smile; as if some sudden realization dawned upon her. What it was he could not tell, and he dared not ask. She sighed._

_"Tell me something I don't know. There's a whole lot of crap going on out there… hard to keep a happy face all the time." she replied after a short moment of silence, trying to make the words sound lightly, but they didn't. Ghost knew they weren't spoken lightly._

_"It's not just that, is it?" he asked, not looking at her. _

_"Hey, wanna play Q&A?" she said, laughing. A rather forced laugh. The unnerving game continued. Ghost shrugged._

_"Not in a lifetime." He glanced at her. "Not after you put it _this_ straightforwardly." _

_"Why?"_

_Only that. A simple question came from her, and Ghost found himself caught off guard. Such a clear-cut question, and he pondered a long while how he should answer. There was never an easy answer to such questions when they came from her. _

_"Because some things should remain unsaid."_

_--_

Ghost shivered violently as he jacked out. He looked around his small quarters; the authenticity of the place immediately brought him back down to earth. He leaned back and lay on his cot, staring at the pipes running across the ceiling. He knew he had not much more than three hours of sleep before it was his turn to take the shift, but he couldn't care less. Sparky believed the watch was needless anyway; the war was over. Or so it seemed, though for Ghost it made little difference. Since Niobe had insisted that they kept the watch on the sewers, just in case, he chose to remain on the ship. Strongly advised by his friends, how few of them lived out the Sentinels' attack, to stay out of this, stay in Zion, he was going crazy as soon as he sat idle for more than a few hours. When the time came to make a choice, it was either the ship, or the end. He chose the ship. 

Slowly, Ghost put his hands under his head and lay still, his eyes focused on a small breach in the tube just above his head. If asked, he could precisely tell what he was looking at, and yet his mind kept displaying strange images. His lips narrowed to a thin line, and Ghost shook his head. It was no use to lay awake here, when he could as well do something productive. 

He forced himself up and pulled on a sweater. Silently he was hoping that he wouldn't come across Niobe on his way to the core; she was giving him strange looks ever since they set off from Zion a little less than three weeks before. Sometimes he had a feeling that there was something she wanted to talk about with him, but she would always just sigh and go back to her chores. He made a mental note to ask her about this some time, as it was getting a bit frustrating. For both of them, he was sure of this. 

Ghost came up to the door and slid it open, listening to the sounds outside. Nothing unusual. No one was near. He looked sideways, and sneaked out of the room. He headed straight for the core, climbing up the ladder, when a distant sound of muffled voices reached his ears. He halted abruptly, listening. 

"The air's heavy on this ship. Few more weeks and we'll crash land at the very bottom of these sewers from all this heaviness. Can't say it's fun, Captain. The war's over, can't we just chill out?"

"Have mercy and shut up, Sparks." Niobe snapped quietly. "Not everyone was as lucky as you to come out of that with an unscratched butt."

Ghost let out a small sigh and looked down.__

**- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

_So, here comes nothing. I finally decided to give it a shot. Not hard to tell I'm all the way for Ghost/Trinity pairing, and besides that, I'm completely in love with Ghost myself, eh? More to come… if anyone would like to read more after that little piece. Please review._


	2. The Question

**Due credits**: besides the regular disclaimer, a big thank-you to my sis Shan for writing a part of Ghost's lines in the Trinity/Ghost conversation. You sure know how to kick my butt so that I don't just stop writing, love :D

This thing's long. Goddamn long. Due to the recent complaints about the length of the first chapter. So there.

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It started to become slightly unnerving, he thought to himself. He knew well that there was concern behind Niobe's words and actions. He knew she cared, in a way, for how he felt, even though she never directly said what was on her mind. He suspected that pulling him out of the deadly, indifferent state he had fallen into back in Zion was the main reason why she offered him a place on her ship, again. She could do so much better with someone who wasn't as worn out as Ghost was, but still, she did it. She took him back. Not that he would ever admit it – no, he was too proud for that – but deep in his mind he felt that she saved his life. 

"Have mercy and shut up, Sparks." Niobe snapped quietly. "Not everyone was as lucky as you to come out of that with an unscratched butt."

"Your wish, Captain, my Captain, is my keystroke, colon, double backslash, execute, command."

Ghost smiled and shook his head.

"Get out of here, Sparky. I'll take your shift."

"Have fun staring at this boring shit, Captain. I'm off to eat some of that goddamn goop."

Ghost pulled himself up and peered at the operator's station. He watched Niobe as she sat down, and suddenly, he felt as if something heavy hit him upside the head. She curled up in the chair, pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her chin on them. So familiar. So awfully familiar.__

_--_

_He couldn't resist watching her. As always, he remained in distance, hidden in the shadows on the catwalk. He squatted silently, making sure she couldn't hear him. Oh, how well he knew this wouldn't make him feel any better. But either this, or he would just lay awake on his cot, trying hard not to shiver from the piercing cold. _

_They were still up on the broadcast level. The ship was running on as few auxiliary systems as possible due to some serious Sentinel activity, thus the cold was becoming more and more disturbing. Normally he would have no trouble with that; he had had enough time to get used to it. But now, that his heart was pounding, the blood rushing in his veins, he felt as if he was burning inside, but the outside almost froze to death. He forgot that he was out there, wearing only an old, thin sweatshirt, he forgot the cold. He didn't dare to twitch a muscle, for fear he would be noticed. Not that it would cause any trouble; that was, besides Trinity mocking him in a friendly way, or Sparks giving him those 'looks'. _

_He watched her sit in silence, as she stared at the Matrix code flowing down the screen. She was rocking gently in the operator's chair. The rhythmical sound of the old chair moving back and forth was almost hypnotizing, no less than the code itself. He watched her wrap her arms around her and shiver, and he realized she must have been nearly as cold as he was. Silently he rose, and walked to his quarters. The door opened with a sound that echoed in the lower deck of the ship, merging with the humming of the engines. Ghost looked around and picked a sweater from his cot, then quickly left, leaving the door open. _

_He swung the sweater across his shoulder and climbed up the ladder to the main deck. Here, in the core, the sound of the engines was a bit muffled. But no, it wasn't quiet. Instead, the sound was mixed with the silent buzzing in countless wires hanging above the terminals. In that scenery, Trinity's figure seemed tiny. There she sat, wrapping her arms around her involuntarily, trying to shield herself from the cold while still being completely focused on the code. _

_Ghost sighed. Slowly, he pulled himself up and entered the main deck, hesitating a bit before he came behind her, and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. _

_Trinity turned around abruptly, as if awoken from a restless dream, and looked up at him. He could read a question in her eyes, yet after a few short seconds, which, to him, seemed far too long, she smiled warmly at him and studied his figure. _

_"Need anything, brother?" she asked, winking to him. She swung in the chair so that she would face him. Ghost locked eyes with her for what seemed a short moment, then turned his sight to the floor. Even after such a long time, each time she called him her brother, he felt that painful sting in his heart. Each time she said that, she brought him back to earth. She would never call him anything else. Not what he would want her to._

_"I brought you this." He said simply, pulling the sweater down from his shoulder, and handed it to her. "It's cold down here. I thought you could use it." _

_Trinity's lips curved in a wide smile and she took the piece of clothing from his hand. Ghost turned around, and quickly headed back to the ladder. _

_"Ghost?" _

_Oh, no. _

_For a moment, all he could hear was his own heartbeat, quickening by the second, pounding, loud beyond reason. When it felt as if it couldn't beat any faster, it would quicken even more, the sound of her voice melting his mind. Slowly he turned around, forcing his eyes not to wander. He locked his gaze with her, and slowly took a deep breath. "Yes?"_

_He watched her rise from the chair and walk up to him. He could almost feel the growing heat as she approached him, even though he knew all too well it was virtually impossible. She came close to him, and put her hands on his shoulders. Then, she looked him straight in the eye, and Ghost's will broke. He looked away. _

_Trinity looked puzzled, seeing him avoid her sight. She tilted her head, and ran her fingers up his neck, lifting his chin so that he would face her again. Ghost shivered. He couldn't help it; her touch came suddenly and once more he was caught off guard. Today was just not his day to keep himself under control. Reluctantly, he looked at her._

_"I was supposed to say that I could use some company here…" she paused, looking intensely into his eyes, "but now I changed my mind."_

_Ghost swallowed hard, but held up her gaze. _

_"And what made you change your mind, dear sister?" _

_Trinity sighed. "Alright, now. Don't give me that crap here, Ghost. You tell me what's wrong and I leave you be, or you keep that mouth shut and I'll keep asking until you tell me."_

_"Either way, you expect me to tell you some thing that supposedly is bothering me. I'm fine." _

_His voice sounded strangely flat. Not like his own. Trinity sighed again. _

_"I can see you're not. You don't want to talk, fine. But what I wonder is this: it didn't use to be this way, between us. And I wonder, what the hell happened."_

_Oh, dear. Ghost's thoughts sped through his mind; he made a mental note to never again give her reasons for such questions. He let out a slow breath._

_"Nothing happened, sister. It's always been like that." he said carefully, observing her reactions. _

_"Then why you look like you've just taken a hell of a beating? And it sure wasn't me who gave it to you."_

_Wasn't it? He shrugged again. _

_"I guess I'm getting old, wrinkly and tired looking. I suppose I cannot take the ship life anymore." Ghost put on a smile that was supposed to look mischievous. It didn't. It looked all but that. It was forced._

_Trinity took a step back, and watched him the most surprised look she could afford. "What?" She asked, and tilted her head, her eyes not leaving his face. "Whatever was _that_ supposed to mean, I didn't like the sound of it. If you're getting old, then so am I." She smiled and stepped closer to him again. "Don't think you've played on my weak side, but... it's always best to let things out of your system. You know you can tell me everything."_

_"I know, Trinity, I know. You've always been a good sister to me."_

_And why not more than that, he thought, and bashed himself immediately. He knew why._

_Trinity sighed and sent him a long stare. Then she stepped back, and sat on the floor, wrapping her arms around her. She looked up, as if expecting him to react, while Ghost couldn't. He just looked at her, to his great discomfort feeling quite helpless. At last she reached out her hand, inviting him to join her. _

_"So. What's been bothering my dear brother that his PPU couldn't fix."_

_Reluctantly, Ghost sat down next to her. "How about my brain? It's been malfunctioning lately. Gives me the blue screen of death all the time!" he joked._

_Trinity stifled a laugh and gave him a punch in the ribs. "You're cracking jokes while I'm trying to get some answers from you." She rolled her eyes and put her arm around Ghost's shoulders. "How about I beat it out of you, eh? You win, I leave you in peace. I win, you answer my question."_

_"Is that a challenge, young lady?" he asked mockingly._

_Trinity narrowed her eyes. "Since you called me young, don't you dare say you're old again. Of course it's a challenge. So, you red or blue on this?"_

_"Are you shitting me? That's my lifestyle!" he said while getting up. _

_Ghost looked back at her and realized what he had just done. That was Trinity, and she _did_ stand a chance to beat it out of him. Unable to just sell her a blunt lie, he knew that if she got it her way, he would find himself backed against the wall. But, now it was too late._

_"Alright, then." she replied, while getting up as well. "Let me add one to that double digit." she added quietly with a grin, as if to herself, yet making sure Ghost could hear precisely what she said._

_"What was that again?" _

_"Twenty seven." she said, leaning towards him. Close. So goddamn close. Her cheek touched his. It was warm. Ghost squeezed his eyes shut._

_"Twenty-seven, dear brother. You're never gonna beat me."_

_He opened his eyes quickly, and grinned, covering the previous expression best as he could. "We shall see about that" he murmured._

_Trinity nodded. "Let's go."_

_They passed quickly, descending down the ladder to the lower deck. Ghost looked back and accidentally locked eyes with Sparks, who watched him one of his 'looks'. He made another mental note to beat the crap out of the operator in case he ever dared to mock him about what he just saw. Which, in fact, would be useless anyway. Sparky had no mercy when it came down to mocking his fellow crew members. Only the fact that Niobe wouldn't be too thrilled about it held Ghost back from strangling him sometimes._

_As soon as they entered his quarters, Trinity sat down on the bed and turned around, watching him closely. The kind of a look that always gave him shivers. She sent him a mischievous smile. _

_"Better start thinking how you'll put your answer into words, dear brother. Remember: I win, no jokes when I want answers. You're honest with me."_

_"Like you used to be." She added. Whether he liked it or not, Ghost overheard it. _

_It hurt._

_Ghost just glared at her and set up the program._

_--_

"I didn't give you your answer, even though you well deserved it…" Ghost whispered to himself. He brushed his hand across his face. He realized that he must have stared, quite involuntarily, at Niobe's back for at least few minutes. He did it again. Allowed himself to drown in those memories, while he shouldn't have. He smiled to himself, as he thought that Niobe would have given him quite a speech, had she noticed him standing there, with that absent look on his face. He pulled himself up and walked across the deck, taking a seat next to the Captain. He fixed his eyes on the screen. Peaceful and quiet. Niobe looked at him.

"Can't sleep?"

Ghost shook his head.

"You should." Niobe's voice sounded sympathetically… "You look like sh*t." …despite the mock. She sent him a reassuring smile.

Ghost ignored that line. It seemed pointless to him to comment on the obvious. He also knew it was Niobe's way of letting him know that she was worried about him, but she was never _that_ blunt with her true feelings. He didn't blame her. None of the rebels found expressing their feelings easy; the hell they had gone through forced them to grow a thick skin.

He nodded thoughtfully, as if concluding his own thoughts, and resumed watching the Matrix code. Neither of them spoke for a long time, each supposedly focused on their task, while in fact both Ghost's and Niobe's thoughts were wandering. The Captain's loud sigh pulled Ghost back to reality.

"What is it?" he asked, not looking at her.

Niobe leaned back in the chair and began to stretch her limbs. 

"Daydreaming." She said, looking at her first mate out of the corner of her eye. "Just make sure Sparks doesn't ever find out about it." She laughed.

Ghost shifted uncomfortably in his chair and watched her with an interested look.

"Daydreaming about what?" he asked, reminding himself in his mind to never again let 'daydreaming of _whom_' slip past his lips, like he did once. That smack upside the head wasn't pleasant at all. 

"A hot bath. And something to eat that requires teeth."  She said dreamingly, as she continued stretching in the operator's chair.

"Mhm.." Ghost murmured, closing his eyes and leaned back in his chair. "And a long walk on a bigger space than twenty square meters."

"You could do all that I only you weren't _ _this__ persistent about hanging out in these sewers for _no_ apparent reason." Sparks' voice came from behind them, and both Niobe and Ghost turned around, watching the ship's operator with unhidden antipathy.

Niobe just rolled her eyes.

"I'll make sure to drop you in Zion next time we dock."

"Yeah? And who do you think will be as much out of their goddamn mind as I am to agree to operate your ship?" Sparks asked mockingly.

"Link."

This time it was Sparky's turn to roll eyes. He slumped into the jumpchair across the deck and leered. 

"Oh, yeah. Forgot that everyone who ever set foot on Morpheus' ship has lost their mind."

Ghost's blood boiled in his veins as soon as he heard that statement. If looks could kill, Sparks would have dropped dead right there, in that very moment. He gripped the sides of his chair, ready to get up and lay hands on his neck.

Niobe placed her hand on his, and shook her head, holding him back.

"Sparks, do me a favor."

"Yeah?" Sparks sent her a puzzled look.

"The radio needs checking." She said wryly, raising her eyebrows and eyed the exit with a meaningful look, then shifted her sight back to Sparks.

"Okay, Captain, I got the message." 

Sparks shrugged, lazily getting himself up. Two pairs of cold eyes watched him as he vanished in doorway, heading to the cockpit.

Ghost and Niobe exchanged meaningful looks.

"Times like this, I wonder: why, oh _why_ did I take _him_ back on the ship." Niobe shrugged, and swung in her chair, facing the terminals. Ghost followed her example, relaxing a little, now, that the source and reason of his annoyance was gone from his sight.

"Tell me about it."

Niobe smiled.

"Still. We've gone through a whole goddamn lot of shit together. Would be hard to forget about it now. He'd make a damn good mate, if only he wasn't this annoying."

Ghost turned around, eyeing her intensely. 

"Is that why you took me back? 'Cause we used to be a team?"

"No."

"Then Why?"

"You know why."

"Being the captain doesn't mean you can play those little games with me."

"I'm not playing games with you."

"So?"

Niobe sighed. "You wanna know why? I'll tell you, then. I thought I'd be a b*tch if I left you there to spend your goddamn life moping in your quarters like you did for three months."

Ghost looked away, feeling a sudden rush of adrenaline in his blood. 

"I wasn't moping. I was simply contemplating the past events, and drawing conclusions."

"Bullshit."

"Whatever."

"Don't get snippy on me, Ghost. I don't need that crap." She unlocked the chair, and rolled it closer to him. She stared into his seemingly expressionless face for a short moment, as if pondering whether she should bother to continue at all, or not. "You'd feel better if you let it out of your system."

_"Don't think you've played on my weak side, but... it's always best to let things out of your system."_

Shit.

Ghost fixed his eyes on some distant point in the corner.

"There's nothing to let out." He snapped, biting his lips.

"Ghost. I'm not just the captain here. I'm your friend." Niobe placed her hand on his shoulder, ignoring his complete disregard for her words, or even her presence, in that very moment. "And believe it when I say that few would ever hear that from me." She added quietly, more to herself than to the man sitting beside her, as she looked blankly at his back turned to her.

"There is _nothing_ to let out."

There was Ghost, as always, in denial.

Niobe sighed, and pulled back in her chair, falling silent.

Later that night, Ghost dragged himself up and walked slowly back to his quarters. He slid the door open, and leaned against the cold wall. He closed his eyes, feeling the weariness come over him. Perhaps tonight he was finally tired enough to get a few hours of dreamless sleep. God, how much he needed that. He found it harder to focus on his chores as the lack of sleep was catching up with him. He sneaked into the room, and quietly closed the door.

The small, not more than five square meters room was far from cozy. A small cot, hardly long enough to fit a man like Ghost, was lodged into the wall, preventing it from getting dislocated in case Niobe had the mood for one of her infamous suicidal flights. The pipes, which ran across the walls and the ceiling, were producing enough heat so that he wouldn't freeze at night, but made the place look more like an engine room than a place to live. 

A small metal shelf, which served him as a table stuck out of the wall, just opposite the cot. If there was a mess anywhere on that small space, it was there. Various pieces of equipment usually found their place there, falling on the floor each time the ship took a sudden turn. Ghost didn't care. Not anymore. 

Right under it, there was a small, now half-open drawer, mainly containing an extra blanket, and six or seven back-up disks for Ghost's personal processing unit. The latter was placed behind the cot, pinned to the floor with four three-inch long screws. That, besides two spare pieces of clothing, which were now thrown carelessly on the cot, was the only thing that really belonged to him on that ship. Like Niobe, he missed the Logos. There wasn't much more on that now wrecked hovercraft, but the amount of time Ghost had spent on its board made him categorize it as his home of sorts. 

But now, things were changed. The Logos did her final flight a little over three months before. The flight that changed all. The flight that tore his heart from his chest, and cast it into void.

Ghost let out a deep sigh and lay down on his cot. He reached his hand behind it, turning on his PPU. He realized that he wouldn't get any sleep anyway. He bit his lower lip, slowly closed his eyes and, jacked in. 

Inside the program, he opened his eyes, quite reluctantly and without haste, and took in the well-known surroundings. After all, he designed it all himself. He smiled, recalling Niobe saying that his mind could never truly let the fake reality of the Matrix go. Perhaps it was partly true; still, Ghost was convinced that this wasn't the case. He needed a place of his own, a hiding place, where he could just unwind. He refused to accept the fact that right now it was bringing memories to him much more than it served as a relief from the bitterness of reality. And yet, he wasn't willing to let that go, too. At least not yet.

His sight fell on the small bench to his right, at the border of a rectangular area designed specifically for sparring sessions. The pen and paper he had left there were still in place, exactly where he left them. Not that it surprised him; as with any program, unless someone tempered it, things never changed. He stared at the items for a longer while, knowing what he must do. Slowly, he walked over there, and sat down with a deep sigh. He picked the pen and paper while brushing his other hand across his face.

_You know, I don't get much sleep these days. Dreams are not a refuge from reality anymore, or if they are, they present a much worse perspective than reality does. Everything in here reminds me of you. This program, even… it was always our place, though you used to argue that you were an intruder here. You _made_ this place what it is, Trin. Nothing is the same without you, even this goddamn software. And this ship… though you never set foot aboard it. Can't help it that I still hope I will see you here, somehow. _

_Maybe I made a mistake joining the crew again. Maybe I should have listened to those who told me it's better to stay away from this, and try to forget. But you see, I can't forget. Nor do I want to. I've got a feeling that if you ever heard me say that, you would have said that I pity myself and forced me to brace myself. But you're not here. Instead, _I_ am here, and I feel so damn lonely._

_I thought you would always be here. I thought that there was time. Even though I never expected anything more from you than you were willing to give, there was always hope. Apparently, I was wrong. All I ever deemed true just crashed and burned. The philosophy I lived by just doesn't work anymore. Nothing does. Never thought I was so dependent on another, I was never that way. Or so I thought. Apparently, I was wrong again. _

_If there was a way to turn back time, I would go as far as it takes to do that. Just that… I don't know what I would do. I knew as well as you did that you had to go, and no one would ever convince you otherwise. That was your path. And you followed that path, with your head up high. Why can't I do the same? I seem to have lost my path. _

_I've decided to give myself time; but then, just as you did, I will have to make the choice._


	3. Love is friendship set on fire

_The war is over, Trin. I hope in my heart that you knew it ended, before the world ended for you. Hell, I don't know what happened there, but at least I hope that you didn't suffer long. "Death is not the worst that can happen to men.*"  It is such a pain to think that it might have taken long before the last breath escaped you. I know, I shouldn't let myself be engulfed by this, but I can't help thinking. My mind keeps displaying images of how it looked like, even though I wasn't there, even though I have no clue how that happened. Why, why did you have to crash land there?! _

_I refused to look at the wreck of the Logos when it was brought back to Zion. As much as more than a half of my life had, one way or another, revolved around that ship, I don't think I could stand looking at something that took your life. And… I hope Niobe never comes across the idea to make it fly again – I wouldn't, for the life of me, set foot on that ship. I fought with myself long enough before I decided to go aboard _any_ ship. _

_I know you wouldn't have me give up. I know that you would want me to go on, but it's hard, Trin, too hard. I promised you something, long ago. But now, as time passes and things don't seem to be looking any better, I honestly don't know how long I'll be able to keep that promise. The last thing I want is to fail you. But I will give you another promise now, and I shall be cursed forever should I break that one. I promise you that I will go as far as it takes so that the memory of you never, ever dies. So many people miss after you, dear. I have no right to say that my pain is the worst, because… I'm sure I wasn't the only one who loved you. _

_The war is over… but my heart is heavy. I saw people celebrate its end, and I couldn't do the same. So many lives were lost, and yet even those who were left alone, seemed to understand that their loved ones died for something. And in that very moment, I regretted that I didn't die for that, too. Survivor's guilt is catching up with me, it seems._

_I once told you I didn't believe in love. I lied. _

_--  
Ghost slid the door open quietly. Something told him to stay quiet – he didn't understand the sudden feeling that came over him in that moment, until he stood in doorway, and looked inside. The little light that found its way to the room through half-open door fell on the slender silhouette laying on his cot, his sweater rolled under her head, her arms wrapped tightly around her._

_A sweet sensation ran through the entire of his being, leaving him completely breathless. Short strands of black hair fell gracefully on her face, resting on her pale cheek. A faint, barely noticeable smile played in the corners of her lips. In Ghost's eyes, the expression on her face equaled the pure essence of peace. _

_Careful not to disturb her sleep, he closed the door, as slowly as he could. The cold light disappeared behind it, leaving the small room in complete darkness. Ghost shivered as he heard her sigh quietly. Only then, he realized that he had been holding his breath. He exhaled slowly, almost without a sound, as if afraid that even the swish of air would wake her up. There he stood, unable to move, caught in the beauty of the moment, between the desire to just be near her, and the awareness that he couldn't. _

_He couldn't see her anymore, her face was hidden in darkness, a faint shadow of her figure was barely distinguishable on the cot, merely two meters away from him. But the picture of her calm, beautiful face lingered in his mind, already written eternally into his memories. He knew it would from then on return to him in dreams, each lonely night._

_He lost the sense of time. As quietly as he could, Ghost walked up to the cot, and picked one end of the blanket. His hand touched her and he quickly pulled it back. It wasn't the coldness of her skin that made him draw it back; but the feeling deep inside of him that he just wouldn't let her go. Suddenly he realized that he would give anything and everything to share his warmth, his love, his everything with her._

_Reluctantly, he covered her with the blanket and sat down on the edge of the bed. Trinity sighed and turned. Before he knew, she lay close to him. _

_So damn close._

_A great wave of untamed, pure love came over him, and he found it hard beyond reason to refrain from just laying down beside her, taking her in his arms, to shield her from the cold, from all danger, from all sorrow. His heart raced; he could hear its loud pounding, and in that very moment, he could swear it tried its hardest to escape from his chest, to her, always to her._

_All fatigue had gone away in an instant. In his thoughts, the image of her was still so sharp and clear that Ghost had to blink a few times, just to make sure he was indeed still awake. The line between dream and reality faded, it seemed so real and so illusory at the same time. He barely remembered that he was supposed to take the next shift, in just a few short hours. He barely noticed that he needed rest. _

_Hell, he didn't need anything. Anything but her._

_He didn't care how tired he would feel the next day. It didn't matter. Nothing did, apart from her. All he wished for was that this moment would last forever. All he wanted was to make it real, forget about the entire world, the war, the prophecies._

_He listened to her shallow, regular breath, involuntarily synchronizing his own with it. He leaned back against the cold wall, and closed his eyes, trying to relax so that his heart would slow down but a little. Vain hope. The sensation was constantly growing, and yet it made him feel so terribly heavy at heart._

_"The Oracle told me that I would fall in love… and that man, he would be the One."_

_I'm not the One._

_It was never meant to be._

_Her heart was meant to belong to another._

_Not to him._

_Another was meant to give her what she longed for, what _he_ had… or perhaps not, but he wanted to give it all to her._

_But it wasn't meant to be._

_All there was left for him was her friendship._

_Love is friendship set on fire._

_And he felt that fire, he felt as it consumed him, so searing, so intense, more and more with each day, each hour, each minute. You can never know the true meaning of love until it crushes all barriers, melts all ice, conquers all doubt, and burns your heart to ash._

_--_

Ghost jacked out, and sat upright on the cot, breathing hard. Remembering was too much. Every memory that came back to him, came with searing pain. Not that he didn't fight with it; he tried to remain calm, remember only the good things, just to find himself hopelessly conquered. Good or bad memories, it all came down to one thing; he knew he would never, at any cost, let her go. His heart refused to, and by now he knew that it was no use reasoning with it. Where mind and reason failed, love conquered. 

It was dark, and cold. Just like back then. Right now, Ghost barely remembered how it felt to wake up with someone by his side. That day, it wasn't always cold; he wasn't alone. 

--

_Next thing he remembered was Warmth. It felt good, soothing. A warm hand, fingers running up and down his neck, light as a feather. _

_Trinity._

_Ghost opened his eyes and looked up. She was smiling. Was he dreaming? No, it felt too real for a dream. He tried to lift himself up, but another hand gently pushed him down. His eyes locked with hers in a long stare. He took a deep breath. _

_"You fell asleep."_

_A brief thought ran through his mind, how much he would give to hear that voice each day as he opened his eyes, just like now. He smiled back at her, slowly breathing out._

_"So did you."_

_"I'm sorry. You were gone for so long. Didn't even notice when closing my eyes for five minutes turned out to be a few hours."_

_"You're forgiven. I guess." He said, grinning. "As for why I let you wait so long…" he paused, his face suddenly growing darker. How was he supposed to tell her that he couldn't simply take what she had told him with a cool face?_

_"It's okay."_

_Ghost nodded, and looked away. The silence surprised him. None of them spoke a word, and he wondered what she was thinking. Slowly he rose, reluctant to part with her hands, still placed upon his chest and looked back at her. He met a pair of blue eyes, watching him with a questioning look._

_"You never answered my question."_

_"You asked me a few of them."_

_"I asked if you believed that if you love someone, and you swear this love will last forever, you will hold to that at any cost."_

_Ghost shrugged._

_"There's no such thing as a lover's oath."_

_"Bullshit."_

_"Plato."_

_"That too."_

_He stifled a laugh. Trinity looked at him, trying to keep her face serious, but the corners of her lips were twitching. She leaned back, resting against the wall and tilted her head. _

_"How about a friend's oath?" _

_He let out a deep sigh. "You know I'm always here for you, Trin."  
"You said that nothing lasts forever."_

_"Some things do."_

_"Things like what?"_

_The door opened. Both of them looked in that direction as Niobe came in; the look on her face didn't foretell anything good._

_"Ghost, I need you by the terminals. Now." She glanced briefly at Trinity, then shifted her sight to Ghost. She motioned her head towards the door, and left as quickly as she entered._

_Ghost sighed and got up from the cot. He looked back at her, both sorry and grateful that the Captain had interrupted in that moment. He sent her an apologetic look._

_"I must go."_

_--_

_-------------------------------------------  
* "Death is not the worst that can happen to men." – Plato _

_-------------------------------------------  
_A/N: _I'm not too pleased with this one, but since the idea wasn't letting me sleep, I had to get it out of the way._

**Audrey A**_ – Yeah, I know, but that's because I tend to write stuff from my own POV, even if I write for characters that aren't mine. My bad. I generally tend to repeat some stuff too much – have to work on it. _

**Dark Puck**_ – Of course there's more to come :D As you can see, more has already arrived. Still want more? ;)_

**Eldir**_ – what can I say, love. There's a first time for everything, and I seem to be due for some luck when I get to do something the first time :P *coughTLHcough* But maybe next time I should write a parody about unplugging Hook from the Matrix? *wink, wink*_

**Fuhrer**_ – *With the passion of million burning suns, writes like mad until pen breaks into two* Glad you like it._

**Lainniss**_ – Aiya, Ith! Thanks for the review! I'm glad you like it so far. Will try not to disappoint you with the coming chapters._

**PandorasAquarium**_ – Thanks for your review, the one on MSN as well :D You've become damn good at making me blush, hon._


	4. Not Just Another Day

The bit about Niobe is here especially for my dear sister. 

----------------------------------------------------------------

Day 2

Niobe yawned, and began to stretch on the cot in her quarters long before she opened her eyes. Getting up was the closing item on her wish list at that moment, but the sense of duty won with the almost irresistible desire to stay under the rough, but warm blanket. Extremely unpleased that her dreams had been rapidly interrupted by the buzzing bell above her bed, she was at least glad that it meant that Sparks hadn't fallen asleep  on his shift. Lazily, she opened her eyes.

She made the effort to dig up her private To-Do list in her half-asleep mind, and made a mental note to ask Locke to reassign Link to her ship, first thing after they dock. Since Morpheus spent most of his time in Zion, he didn't need an operator anymore. Niobe sighed. As reluctant as she was to make any changes to her crew membership, Sparks had become a real nuisance she could barely stand. She could tell the operator saw no sense whatsoever in what they were doing, and that was not how she wanted her crew members to think. Even though the war was over, she needed people who took their duties seriously. She had her sixth sense she had always trusted, and it was telling her that their watch on the sewers wasn't in vain. 

Well, at least Sparks still obeyed when she snapped her "Shut Up" at him.

Niobe stretched for the last time, and she dragged herself out of bed. She jumped quickly into warm pants, a red shirt and a sweater, which remembered the times when she was still learning how to pilot a hovercraft. Darkness didn't bother her; though she would still occasionally catch herself looking for her belongings in the same places she used to keep them on the Logos. 

The Logos. Niobe felt an extremely strong urge to have that ship fixed and make it fly again; she knew, though, that in such case she would find herself forced to replace both members of her crew. She rather suspected it than knew it, but she couldn't by _any_ means rid herself of the feeling that Ghost's reluctance to even _look_ at the wreck of that hovercraft was strictly related to the fact that it was on its board that Trinity had died.

She sighed again. So few she thought her friends, and most of them didn't even live long enough to see the end of the war. 

She shrugged, bracing herself in an instant. As soon as she left her quarters, she would be again the Captain Niobe, Head Bitch in Charge, as some used to call her among the Zion fleet's captains and crew members. She shook her head as she remembered that, and smiled to her thoughts. They were goddamn right. She liked it that way. 

The door swung open and Niobe stormed out of the room. Best way to wake up was to wake up _fast_. She headed straight for the core, stretching once again before she climbed quickly up the ladder.

Sparks was still in the operator's chair, half-lying, half-sitting. Niobe looked at him with an amused look on her face. She could almost picture the operator, sitting in an office behind a huge desk with his legs stretched on it, and covered her mouth not to let him hear her laugh. Definitely, the way Sparks held himself showed that he would rather be a leader, and not a follower. _Not on _my_ ship,_ she thought to herself, and decided to continue watching him for a while. 

"Up all night, fix this, check that, watch the code, take my shift, up all night, fix that, check this, take my shift, repeat." Sparks muttered to himself, casually throwing a small optical disk in the air. 

Niobe shifted her weight, and a loose screw fell on the floor, producing noise loud enough so that Sparks turned around abruptly. His face became even whiter than usual, and he sat upright in the chair immediately, eyeing her. 

"Jeezus. You scared the living shit outta me!" he breathed, throwing the disk onto the console. 

"Good morning to you too, Sparks." Niobe smirked, and jumped onto the deck.

"Yeah, mornin'. Or goodnight." Sparky yawned, wiping his eyes with his palm. 

"Talking to yourself again, eh? And one would think that you never set foot on Morpheus' ship." She grinned, the amused look didn't seem likely to leave her face. 

"Yeah, yeah. Score, Captain. It ain't fair. My wit's fast asleep after so many hours of staring at this crap." He waved his hand towards the monitors. 

"Like it was _ever_ awake, really." Niobe bit her lips so that she wouldn't burst out laughing at the sight of Sparks' facial expression. A moment worthy of remembrance. Niobe thought that she would kill to have a camera now. The operator blinked a few times.

"C'mon, Captain. You didn't really think it was funny, did ya?" Sparks watched her with a look that combined confusion, embarrassment, and whatever was in his twisted thoughts. 

"You didn't think I'd have said that if I hadn't thought it was true. Did ya." She fired back at him, and leaned in doorway, looking around the deck. "Now. Either get the hell outta here, or start backing up the harddrives."

Sparks jumped up in his chair, and glanced at her with a frightened look on his face. "Sleep, Captain, S-l-e-e-p is the word of the day! Not work!" he grumbled, and got himself up, dragging his feet towards the exit. "Man, I need a holiday. Ghost can do that. You go get all worked up today. I'm off to that thing you guys call bed." 

Niobe sighed. "Can't you shut up and just _go_ for a change?!"

"Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.*"  

Two pairs of eyes; one suddenly amused, the other annoyed, turned to the catwalk and looked at Ghost, who lazily jumped down onto the main deck, smiling to himself.

Sparks waved his hand and frowned. "Hello? I'm still right here! Did you just call me a fool?"

Niobe collapsed onto the operator's chair, laughing. "Take it as a fact, Sparks."

Ghost shook his head, walked across the deck, and stood right behind the Captain. "She said that." 

The operator folded his arms and eyed the two with a face far from pleased, and rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I'm hurt, man. I think I'm gonna cry."

Niobe laughed, and bent down, pulling a grease-stained cloth from under the keyboard. "Tissue?" she grinned.

Ghost stifled a laugh.

Sparks glared at them and gritted his teeth, then sighed. He turned around and stormed through the door. A short while later, the sound of the door to his quarters shutting loudly could be heard, and echoed all over the hovercraft.

"How do we still put up with him?" Niobe sighed, turning to the Matrix feed.

Ghost looked at her out of the corner of his eye. "Been asking myself that question for a long time."

"And?"

"To study the abnormal is the best way of understanding the normal.**" he muttered.

"Spare me that shit." 

"Oh, I'm sorry. Guess I shouldn't have hit you with that first thing in the morning?" Ghost smirked, and sat down in the nearby chair. 

"Good guess."

Ghost leaned back in the chair, and closed his eyes. He remembered they were scheduled for a meeting with the Hammer later that day, and made a mental note to copy the disks AK had requested. Sparks had probably forgotten all about it, because they were nowhere to be found. It was still a few hours away, though, and for the time being he had nothing to do. Trying to sleep was not an option.

---

_The flames of the several candles located all over the place were flickering, slightly brightening the otherwise dark room. The faint light cast long shadows on the walls, and painted strange, haunting images on the rough walls, playing in the curves as if they were sinking into them. Ghost sat on the floor, resting his back against the bed. He wasn't tired; and even if he was, he didn't feel it. The tension was growing. He knew it was only a matter of time now. He had considered running away, hiding somewhere, but he knew it would hurt her. And him, too. It would hurt even more. _

_Sparks' heard appeared in the door. Ghost opened his eyes._

_"They're here! The Nebuchadenezzar is docking!" the Logos' operator's voice sounded excited. Sparky waved his hand towards the corridor. "C'mon! We gotta see their new discovery!" _

_"Their new what?" Ghost frowned while getting himself up from the floor. _

_"Don't say you haven't heard yet?! Everyone's talking about it!" Sparks stared at him, shaking his head. _

_"Sparks, spit it out at last, or get the hell outta here. What's the big news I SO need to hear?" _

_Sparks rolled his eyes. "Geez, man. You really should go outta this cave more often than once every two weeks. They say Morpheus has found the One!"_

_Ghost swallowed hard, and fought the urge to kick the man out of the room and never go out of there himself. He knew all too well what news it was, but until the last minute he had been hoping it wasn't true. They had found the One. He knew what it might mean for Zion. But he also knew what it meant for him. With a sigh, he turned around, and fixed his eyes on the wall. _

_"You go. I'll join you in a moment." _

_"No way. Niobe said you gotta come NOW and you know what she means when she says _NOW_. You're comin' with me." _

_Sparks disappeared behind the door, but left it open, letting him know that he's waiting just outside, and wouldn't leave until Ghost had joined him. He felt slightly nauseous. The One. Given the Oracle was right, and if this indeed was that man, he would come to see the one that took his love away from him. He believed her, though he wished she were wrong, for a change. Two parts of him were fighting furiously now – the heart of a brother, and that of a man. He wished her all the best, he wished that she were happy. But he feared that he wouldn't dare to look into Trinity's eyes. She would guess, she would know his true feelings… she knew him so well. _

_He braced himself, and walked out of the room. Right then, he knew that all he had to do was keep his face cold and try not to look away when Trinity would come into view. He longed to see her; the long months away from her were catching up with him now. He could feel in every fiber of his body just how much he missed her, how much he yearned for her touch, for her just being near him. But now, that the One had been found, and she had fallen in love… All that would be cut short. He had no right to come near her, he had no right to feed his hopes, his love, with what another had claimed._

_"Man, you look like you've just seen a ghost." Sparks whacked Ghost on the back and laughed out loud. Suddenly brought back to reality, Ghost just shook his head and followed the operator down the long, dark corridor to the elevator. _

_He couldn't even recall what Sparks had been saying the whole way down. Ghost just didn't listen. The operator kept talking, but his words seemed to have stayed locked behind an invisible barrier. In Ghost's mind there was nothing but an image of Trinity, just before she had left on the board of Morpheus' ship. Her eyes, looking at him with trust and hope; he could read in them that she had already missed him, that she cared. What would he see now? He wasn't sure he wanted to find out. What he wanted most was to just get back to his quarters, shut the door behind him, and try to forget the past 11 years. _

_Ghost took a deep breath to regain some composure. Sparks kept babbling. The elevator seemed to go faster than usual. He suddenly felt strangely lightheaded. _

_Breathe, breathe._

_The door opened._

_"Are you comin' or not?" Sparks tilted his head and mocked Ghost's focused expression. "Bad time for dreaming. Let's go." _

_Ghost glared at the operator, and without a word followed him down the catwalk to the bay where the Nebuchadenezzar had docked. The small crowd to the right caught his attention; he kept staring at the ship, trying to control his breath so that he wouldn't appear nervous. They arrived just in time; Niobe, who was standing beside Commander Locke, shot an angry glance at both men. Sparks folded his arms and found a safe spot for himself out of his Captain's sight. _

_They came out. Ghost held his breath, counting the crew members of Morpheus' ship. So few had returned. He recalled hearing briefly that Cypher had betrayed them, and killed nearly half the crew. He watched their faces as they passed by, and he could read the great weariness and grief, but some sort of satisfaction, too. Morpheus walked first, with his head up high, proud and stern as usual. Ghost caught his nod to Niobe. Two men who surely weren't crew members followed him, supporting Tank, who appeared injured, and looked so bad that most of those who had gathered along the passage just looked at him and shook their heads. _

_And then he saw her._

_She looked worn out, as did all of them. But in her face Ghost saw something, and his heart stopped. There was love in the way she looked at the man who walked right beside her. Hand in hand, side by side... Those quick, meaningful looks they sent each other, those hands, joined together in a firm grip, the almost visible aura of feelings floating above them and around them hit Ghost like a bucket of ice-cold water. It didn't help. He closed his hands in fists and kept staring at her. _

_Her sight fell on him and her face brightened. She smiled. With every second they were closer, and Ghost subconsciously noted he was shivering. He couldn't take his eyes off her, and wondered if the One noticed. Though, at that point, he couldn't care less. She reached out her hand, and touched his shoulder briefly as they passed, not stopping. Ghost turned to look at them as they walked away, and he felt tears burning behind his eyes. When he couldn't see them anymore, his vision blurred, he lowered his head, and stood still, staring at the floor. _

_The crowd began to part, everyone went to resume their chores. Soon the bay was empty. Almost empty. Ghost still felt he couldn't move. Having decided it was no use trying to act, now, that he was alone, he allowed himself a minute of grief over something he was sure he had lost, forever. Then he sighed, and walked slowly back to his quarters._

"What the hell?"

Niobe's voice pulled Ghost back to reality within a fraction of a second. He looked up, and understood. The terminals flickered, and went black. 

"What just happened?" Niobe frowned, and looked at him. They exchanged quick looks. 

"We're about to find out. I hope." He said calmly, and waved his hand at the woman to let him on the operator's chair. His left hand worked on one keyboard, entering the coordinates for various locations in the Matrix, while his right hand moved on to the second, checking the status of their signal. He shook his head.

"No response. We're offline. But…" 

"What?"

"The ship's systems are still in operation and stable."

Niobe growled and grabbed the radio. "Sparks, in 5 seconds on the main deck. Move!" 

Ghost frowned, checking the plugs in the monitors' connectors. Seconds later, Sparks stormed in and looked around.

"What's going on?"

Niobe motioned her head towards the dead terminals.

Sparks ran over to them and stood behind the Captain. "What the HELL is wrong with this ship?!" he hollered, and leaned forward to the keyboard, loading the diagnostics.

"It's not the ship." Ghost said while getting up.

Niobe turned around. "What?"

"Something's disrupting our signal." 

"Are you sure of this?"

Ghost nodded.

-----------

Cliffie :P Bad, bad me. He he he. 

"Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.*" – Plato__

"To study the abnormal is the best way of understanding the normal.**" – William James

A/N:

**Alyanome: ***hugs* There you are ;)

**Dark Puck: **Crying? Now that's a compliment ;) Make sure to let me know if that happens. Oh, and – I didn't expect that plug in your story. Thank you :) I feel honored.

**Audrey A: **Indeed he is. Oh, and here's a bit more Sparks for ya ;) Some more to come, too. Just that I can't help but spend my pathetic sense of humor on laughing at him. *hides*

**Wintergirl:** We'll see, we'll see. No spoilers ;) You gotta read to see what happens. I still have some tricksy stuff up my sleeve.

**Spiderbob: **Your assumption is correct. I'm staying true to the movies. But you can still enjoy this piece, eh? *wink, wink*****

**Tasar: **Knowing you for quite a while, and knowing that you're not a person to say something like that lightly, I Thank You. Very Much. It means a lot. 


	5. Peace is an Illusion

*Here: _italics _– Voice over. Big, big big Thank-you to my dear maeghin for a lecture on physics and suggestions. Without you, I'd be sooo lost. Luv ya. 

---------------------------------  
  


Ghost gave up on checking the ship's systems – there was virtually nothing that could have caused the glitch. He glanced at Niobe; the captain stood behind Sparks, her face cold and focused, her eyes fixed on the black monitors. The operator still worked on the diagnostic software, shaking his head every few seconds, as his results were exactly the same as Ghost's. The latter folded his arms and sat down in the chair. 

"The uplink is clean. Or so it seems." He said, after a long while of disturbing silence. 

Niobe frowned and shook her head. "Damnit! What the hell could it be?"

Sparks turned around, his hands still resting on the keyboard. He shifted his sight from Niobe to Ghost, and back at the Captain. "I don't know, but I suppose you're dying to find out?"

"You bet!" she barked. "We can't just sit here and wonder. Ghost, I want you on the holographics, go! Sparks, don't take your eyes off that screen and keep me posted!" she commanded. Ghost nodded to her and got up quickly, heading for the cockpit. Niobe glanced around the deck and followed him.

"Niobe, for christ's sake!" Sparks exclaimed, eyeing the woman. 

She halted in half-step and turned to him. "Eyes glued to that screen, Sparks, understood? Or you need a manual?"

"What are you gonna do?"

"Find out what's after us and trying to screw up my day." She retorted angrily, and looked up, as if expecting that the proximity alarms would go off any second. 

"It's crazy!" Sparks sprang up from the operator's chair. "We're alone, if something happens, no one even knows we're here!"

"Try to get through whatever is blocking us. Amplify the signal as much as you can and locate the nearest ship. Try to send out our coordinates through the emergency channel to anything that shows signs of life and doesn't want to eat us for lunch. We'll run a search around."

Sparks shook his head and slumped back into his chair. Niobe bit her lower lip, ran to the operating station, and grabbed the radio.

"Ghost, anything yet?"

_"The sensors are reading something, but I can't tell what it is. Looks like some kind of an electromagnetic screen around this area, but it's a wild guess on my part. The sensors are going crazy. I don't see anything that could be generating it, though. Complete silence."_

"Widen the scan range as much as possible and get ready for a ride."

Sparks glared at her. "Where are we going?"

"Hunting-time. Keep me posted."

"Just don't let the hunter turn into prey." He muttered to her as she turned to leave the core.

Niobe ran through the door and jumped down the ladder. She stormed into the cockpit and sat down in the pilot's seat, right next to Ghost. 

"Still nothing?"

Ghost shook his head. "No."

"Let's go. Charge the igniter." She said while fastening her seatbelt. 

Ghost turned to her with a serious expression written in his face. "Are you sure? We don't know what's out there. I think it's better not to draw attention until things get back to normal."

Niobe's expression hardened.  "Ghost…"

"We don't have enough force to fight off _anything_ that might be out there." He continued in calm voice, though he watched the captain with an intense look. "You don't know what we've stepped into."

Niobe glared at him. "We won't find out if we do nothing. We can either stay here and wait for whatever is out there to pounce on us, and in the current position, we have nowhere to run, _Or_, we can go, and if anything, have a chance to escape if we're on the move."

Ghost looked away. "We risk either way."

Niobe nodded. "Let's go."

Ghost entered the coordinates and loaded the map, studying the structure of the pipelines in their area, and quickly estimated the route and time it would take them to escape. Suddenly, his hand stopped on the keyboard, and he raised his head, looking at Niobe.

"This screen must end somewhere."

She raised an eyebrow. "So?" 

"I'm not sure what it is, but it shows all signs of an electromagnetic field. Effectively disrupting our scan readings, too, they read strange. And if I'm right, and we run straight into it, the change in polarity will kill all our systems just like an EMP would. In other words – we're screwed."

"Shit." Niobe picked up the radio. "How are you doing, Sparks?"

_"Doing good, except that this thing's still offline."_

"Did you manage to locate the Hammer?"

_"Nope, Captain. They should be within our range by now, but they ain't nowhere that I can see. For now, we're on our own."_

"Keep trying."

_"Your wish, Captain, is… umm… wait…"_

"What is it?"

The sound of keyboard clicking could be heard, along with a loud sigh on Sparks' end. _"Hmm… I think it's back to normal. We're back online."  _He said with surprise clearly sounding in his voice.__

"How does it read?" Niobe asked, and looked at Ghost.

_"Nice and clean."_

She glanced at the scanners. The readings went back to normal. 

"Whatever it was, it's gone. The passage looks clean." he said, and leaned back in his seat, watching Niobe out of the corner of his eye.

Niobe narrowed her eyes. "As if it made me feel any better." She snapped and locked eyes with Ghost. "Let's check down this pipe and enter the main line, maybe the sensors will read better on a more open space. There _must_ be something there. We have enough time before we meet up with the Hammer. Roland won't be too thrilled when he hears these news." she muttered.

Ghost nodded. Niobe glanced at the internal thermals scan system monitor on her left. "Drop down to eight pads. We're detectable in too big a radius."

"A road straight down to hell." Ghost muttered, observing the holographic projector as the ship descended quietly down the sewer. 

_"Captain, I just received a strange transmission."_  Sparks' voice came over the radio. Niobe picked the receiver.

"What is it, Sparks?"

_"Not sure. Looks like it got cut before even half the message made it."_

"Can you decode it?" she asked, frowning.

_"Trying, but I doubt it. It's a mess. The good news – I guess – is that it's from the Hammer."_

Niobe raised her eyebrows. "And bad news?" 

_"Came through the emergency channel."_

"Damnit."

Ghost and Niobe exchanged quick looks. 

"What do you think could have happened?" he asked, not looking at her. Suddenly he felt that familiar rush of adrenaline, which had hardly left him before the war ended. Something was to happen, he could feel it, down to the bone. 

Niobe's eyes were fixed on the windshield, her face expressionless. "I don't know, but I've got a feeling it might have had something to do with what we'd run into." With that, she grabbed the radio again. "Sparks, can you pinpoint their last position?"

_"Down to 50 meters. If we keep this course, you should have them on the holographics in about.. 7 minutes."_

"Got it."

Niobe felt Ghost's eyes on her and turned to him with a quiet sigh. "I hope they're alive."

Ghost took a deep breath and looked away. "They are." 

"How do you know?"

"I just know."

"I hope you're right." She said quietly, suddenly remembering the war and the loss of so many of their people. She shrugged off the thought that it might happen again. "Let's get moving, the sooner we find them, the better." She pulled the controls and the ship entered the line 47 wish ease. "When we find out what happened, we'll have to go up to the broadcast level and send a transmission to Zion. I doubt they know what's going on down here, or they would've called us back already."

Ghost nodded, still observing the holographic projector out of the corner of his eye. As they moved on, the sensors picked up the signs of a hovercraft about three hundred meters down the pipeline. The scheme of the ship appeared on the projector.

"Got them." he loaded up the diagnostic and watched carefully as their sensors ran up and down the Hammer, recording the damage. "Looks like they crashed." He said, frowning.

Niobe shrugged. "Any signs of life?" she asked, glancing at the projector while getting ready to set them down. 

"Yes."

"Good news, for a change." She muttered, and shut down the engines. 

"Hmmm." Ghost muttered to himself and leaned forward, observing the scan results on the monitor. 

"What?" 

"It looks as if someone blew an EMP here. I'd guess just before they crash landed… We recorded no suspicious activity in this area, though… except for that field, but I doubt they would have used the EMP because of that."

"Do you _think_ they blew their EMP?"

"That's how it looks like, but…" Ghost frowned, turning to Niobe. "I don't see anything they could've used it against. It must have been the same field we've run into. This doesn't look too good."

"Let's go and take a closer look." She picked up the radio. "Sparks, keep an eye on everything, we're going out."

_"Roger that, Captain." _

They rose from their seats and left the cockpit, picking up the equipment on their way through the catwalk. As they left the ship, the first thing that hit them was freezing cold and a harsh smell of burnt pieces of hardware. Loose bits of metal covered the rough ground, casting odd shadows as their lights brightened up the tunnel. Ghost shrugged off the dark thoughts, as the view in front of him brought up an immediate connection between that, and the Logos' crash in 01. He focused on the search, attempting to free his mind from those thoughts – it was no time to brood over this, he knew it, though he found it unbelievably hard to put it off. 

He looked at Niobe; she moved on carefully, studying her surroundings, looking for any signs of movement with her face set, completely focused on the task. Suddenly, the dead silence was broken; they both heard a muffled noise to the right, and looked in that direction.

"Niobe!" Roland breathed, crawling from under the warped piece of metal that used to belong to the Hammer's hull.

"Roland! Thank god you're alive!" Niobe exclaimed, putting down the plasma gun and ran over to the other captain. She saw Roland lower his head and frowned at that so unusual for this man stance, feeling immediately concerned. "What happened? Are you alright?" 

Roland shook his head. "Two of my people are down." He said quietly and sighed.

Ghost realized he started feeling slightly nauseous.

"I'm sorry." 

It was all Niobe could say, feeling anger as it began welling up in her, and frustration that there was nothing within sight she could let it out on. Nightmares of the war seemed to be returning, though it shouldn't even be possible, now, that peace had been reached… She took a step forth and placed her hand on Roland's shoulder, attempting to comfort him. He raised his head and slowly breathed out, regaining some composure.

"We lost Mauser, and our newest, Key." He shook his head violently. "Goddamnit." He cursed, waving his head and turned around to his ship. Niobe remained in place, staring at some indefinite point ahead of her. For a moment, an ominous silence lay about the tunnel. Niobe glanced at Ghost out of the corner of her eye, then turned back to Roland.

"What happened?" 

The Captain of Mjolnir folded his arms without a word. Behind him emerged AK, walking slowly and stood beside his Captain. His arm was bleeding and he looked worn out; still, he stood upright on his own, facing Niobe.

"We were on our way to meet you down at junction 37 when we received a message from someone called Seraph, telling us to contact the Oracle at once."

At the mention of the Oracle, Niobe raised her eyebrows, watching the man carefully. Roland turned around and glared at the operator. He and AK exchanged brief looks. The latter shifted his sight back to Niobe. 

"Key jacked in and everything went well. She called us back saying that she had news and some extremely important data that must be transferred to Zion immediately. I directed her to the exit…" AK paused and fixed his eyes on the ground. He clenched his teeth, and slowly shook his head, unable to speak.

"And then something knocked us down. Out of the blue. Without a goddamn warning." Colt's voice could be heard, slightly muffled, from behind the ship. Seconds later, the first mate's silhouette became distinguishable in the darkness when he stepped forth, joining the rest of the crew. He nodded his greeting to Niobe and Ghost. "Our sensors didn't pick up anything on time. All I remember is that I got knocked off my feet, next thing was just…" he paused, and waved his hand towards the ship behind him. "…this."

Ghost cleared his throat. "We received your message… or a part of it."

AK nodded. "We got hit just after I began the transmission. Tell Sparky not to bother with it, the message was about the Oracle."

"We thought you were asking for help." Niobe said, shifting uncomfortably. 

"We sure would have had those bastards left us at least a second before they knocked out our systems!" Roland snapped, turning around. "Before we knew the whole ship just creaked as the hull warped and everything went black. Didn't even have enough time to attempt a controlled crash. We just hit the bottom of the sewer." He said heatedly. It seemed that he would use what energy he had left to let the anger out. He opened his mouth to say something more, but then, he ended up just shooting an angry look around and stared into space. After a long pause, he locked eyes with Niobe for what seemed but a fraction of a second. "For a moment I thought someone blew the EMP."

"Close shot." Ghost folded his arms around him and stepped forward, leaving Niobe's side. He walked slowly to the Hammer and carefully studied the warped metal construction. Four pairs of eyes followed him. "Our sensors picked up an unusually high emf* about 2,500 meters from here. I think we were in its radius, but how it happened, I don't know."

AK's eyes opened wide. "Electromagnetic field?" 

Ghost nodded. "Yes. It disappeared as quickly as it showed up…" he paused, glancing at Niobe, "otherwise we would probably be in a similar position right now, just a few thousands meters from you."

"Jesus." Roland muttered, looking at his crew members. 

"You must have run into it just as it turned on." Ghost continued, "the Hall voltage must have been extraordinary to do this sort of damage. I've never seen anything like this before." He said while running his hand across an oddly twisted piece of metal.

Roland looked up at him. "That figures." 

"No sh*t." Niobe muttered under her breath, eyeing Ghost warily.

Roland sighed. "Besides the systems being down, the charge fried our brushes, and the commutator is shot. The rotor is warped, too. We checked as much as we could, but it was hard in this goddamn darkness." He hissed through his clenched teeth. "Just what we needed." 

"The repairs will take some time, but I believe we can fix her enough for you to get home." Ghost said quietly, and resumed examining the ship's twisted surface. 

AK sat heavily on the ground, wincing in clearly visible pain. "Do you have any idea what could've generated that field?" he asked, pressing his right hand to the wound on his arm. Colt knelt next to him.

Niobe sighed quietly. "No. What's more important at this point is what business did the Oracle have with us." She said, and walked up to Roland. She looked up, her eyes meeting his in a long, cold stare. The other captain swallowed hard, working to hide the emotions triggered suddenly by the deaths of his crew members. 

"Key didn't even make it back to the construct. It's a lost case, Niobe. I guess we'll never find out." He said coldly, his voice was trembling slightly, but he held up Niobe's gaze. 

The woman's expression hardened. "Bullshit. We're just about to find out."

Ghost, AK and Colt turned to her abruptly. Roland chuckled. "You don't really think you're going in?"

Niobe sent him a cold look, determination written clearly in her features. "No. I _know_ I'm going in. She wouldn't have called if it weren't a crucial matter. There's some serious shit going on down here, and I've got a feeling she can clear things up a bit." 

"Bullshit!" Roland snapped, staring straight into her face. "You want to end like my officer? If this thing strikes again, you're fried! You know the procedure, in case of emergency, and if you haven't noticed yet this ­_is_ an emergency situation, you're not supposed to pull a hero, you're supposed to retreat to Zion as fast as humanely possible!" 

Niobe raised her eyebrows. "We might not make it to get the message as much as we might get hit on our way back to Zion." She said matter-of-factly. "We'll go up seventy meters, to the nearest broadcast position, jack in, find out what's going on, and jack out. That's as good a plan as any." 

"No, it's not! It's crazy!" Sparks jumped down from the ship and shook his head. He nodded to Roland and tilted his head, eyeing Niobe. "Captain Roland is right – it's too risky to jack in now."

"Don't even think of questioning my decisions while you're under _my_ command, Sparks." she hissed. Then she turned to face the captain of the Hammer once more. "We'll leave you anything you may need to fix your ship. If you need our med bay, make yourself at home," she waved her hand behind her, "just hurry. I want to do this as fast as possible."

"Niobe, for Christ's sake!" Roland stepped in front of her. "It's suicide! It ain't worth it." 

"We won't know it until we find out." She shot a cold look at the man, turned around and walked off. Ghost followed her silently. Sparks cast a helpless look at the other crew. 

"She's insane." Roland muttered, shaking his head. 

"No doubt." Sparks replied, raising his eyebrows. With a sigh, he headed after his crew back to the ship.

Ghost led Colt and AK stockroom on the lower deck, and let them pick whatever they needed from their supplies. There wasn't much there, but there was no other choice but to try and do all they could do with the available parts. 

"Even if we fix this and bypass the fried circuits, we're still gonna need a jump." Colt leaned against the wall and looked around. 

Ghost glanced at him. "We'll get back to you as soon as we're done. Good luck."

"Good luck to you, too. Hope you're due for some. And hope you know what you're doing."

Ghost nodded and climbed up the ladder, entering the cockpit. He leaned against his seat and watched Niobe with a questioning look. She looked back at him.

"Quick shot. We jack in, get the message, and jack out. Then we'll get back here and see what else we can do to help them." 

Ghost fixed his eyes on the console in front of him. Niobe let out a small sigh. 

"So. Are you red or blue on this?" she asked, not looking at him. For a short moment, both of them stared ahead, in complete silence. Finally, Ghost moved and slid into his seat. "What's gotta be done, must be done. It's not a choice."

Niobe allowed herself a weak smile. "It's a way of life. Let's go."

Ghost pumped the igniter and the engines started, breaking the silence and the ship's pads lightened up the dark tunnel. Niobe weaved her way through the narrow line, heading for their broadcast position. Soon it came into view, and she set the ship down gracefully. Ghost shut down the engines. Without a word, both of them rose from their seats and went up to the main deck.

"Everything in place?" Niobe asked, and sat in her jumpchair. Without a word, Ghost followed her example.

"Allow me to say that I'm not too thrilled about dying alone here in case you don't make it." Sparks said, while walking up to her. He placed the jack in the plug in the back of her head, and raised an eyebrow. He glanced at Ghost with pure doubt written in his face.

"Thanks for your input. We all gotta die some time." Niobe snapped, relaxing in her seat.

"It's insane!" Sparks retorted, not really hoping he would change their mind – he knew it was impossible.

"Could be. Now, shut up and hit the button."

--------------------------------------

*emf – electromotive force, happens when there is a changing magnetic flux (field) through a stationary path. Which means that there must be a changing magnetic field there. Lovely, eh? ;)

**A/N**: Someone please remind me to give Ghost a minute or two in the next chapter to get a grasp of all this… LOL… j/k *winks* and a slap or two next time I come across an idea to go so much into tech detail as with this one. Took two days of research, just because I challenged myself to it :P I'm sorry if you needed a dictionary to get the hang of it. I'm a demon of details.

**Dark Puck**: LOL, no, no Merovingian. But nearly as evil, he he he. Just gotta wait and see ;) And yesss, preciousss, it's tricksy, very tricksssy… *grins evilly* oh and *hugs* I'm sorry about your cat.

**Audrey A**: That's exactly how I meant it to sound, though I didn't think you would give up on me so soon and take me off of your fave stories list :P *wink* No worries. They're not really going OOC. I mean, perhaps I owe you a little explanation here. Since it's post-war, they're sometimes really getting bored out of their minds. It's just mocking. Niobe's thoughts about leaving Sparks in Zion came from Sparks' doubt about the reason they're there. I mean, if you were the captain, and the situation didn't force it [so they had thought at that point] would you rather have a reluctant friend on the crew, or a new person who believes in the sense of what they're doing? I believe most people would choose the latter ;) Also, it kinda depends on how you see things… since we don't really know what happens after Revolutions. But Sparks has a Very Important Role to play, so no worries. ;)

**Nobody's Princess**: Thank you :) *bows* As requested, here's the update, hehe.

**Fuhrer**: Sparky ain't goin' nowhere ;) For further explanation, read my response to Audrey :)


	6. Believe

**A/N:** Okay, this is *long* That's how we likesss it, preciousss. Wanted to make up for the 9 days when there was no update. Sorry. Flu and exams don't help to write good stuff in a short time.

_Music playing while writing the Ghost/Trinity scene: **"Hello"** by Evanescence. I'm not Evanescence fan, but hell, this song worked._

_----------------------  
  
_

Niobe sped down the road, her face expressionless and focused. Ghost glanced at her a few times as they drove on; he could guess what she was thinking. His own thoughts drifted off to the same things. Peace was illusory. So much for all the fighting they had done, for the sacrifice of so many lives. He was silently hoping that somehow everyone would come out of this unscathed this time, but he knew it was just as illusory. Some had already lost their lives, even though the war was supposedly over. People he knew and had grown fond of over time, died. Perhaps they weren't so close, but it still hurt.

No words were said, for none were needed. The plan had been established; both Ghost and Niobe realized the importance of haste, and the risk they decided to take. And, they both knew it was not a matter of choice. Taught by experience, it was clear to them both that some things had to be done, at whatever cost. None of them questioned that fact. Duty always overcame doubt.

Niobe stopped the car across the street from an old building, and got out, not looking at Ghost. He looked around with a small sigh, and followed his Captain. They crossed the street, and entered the building, still feeling no need for a conversation. Ghost felt like back in the times before the end of the war; they worked together in perfect synchronization, as if one could read the mind of the other. In whatever situation, it always just clicked between them. It had to. It was what kept them both alive.

Minutes later, they entered a small apartment. The woman at the door greeted them with a smile, gesturing at them to follow her inside. Through a dark hall, she led them to a big, bright room. Then she nodded politely, and quietly walked out of the room, leaving them alone.

Ghost looked around, not really seeing what surrounded him. His thoughts were wandering. The unfamiliarity of the place didn't bother him; he tried to focus on what they had come there to do. His thoughts drifted off to the _Hammer_ and its crew. After all, he had been wrong. Not all of them survived. It struck him hard; how come the war was over and they were still losing their friends? Suddenly it seemed as if they had traded the dangers of war for something far more ominous, because it was unknown. He shrugged; before, they at least knew what they were fighting against. Now, he could only hope that it was soon to be revealed. 

The place was nothing beyond an average living room in an average apartment; nothing unexpected, and yet, in some way, strange. The old set of furniture stood out against white, newly painted walls. In the air he could smell a clearly distinguishable scent of cigarettes, increasing suddenly as the door to another room opened, and Niobe disappeared inside. 

Slowly, Ghost sat down on the sofa. His eyes wandered to the window to his right. A white pigeon flew down, and sat gracefully on the windowsill. Ghost narrowed his eyes. He could swear the bird was watching him. He barely remembered it was just a program, nothing but yet another creation of the Matrix. It had been long since he last went in; or so it seemed. Truth was, that Ghost hardly kept the track of time since the war had ended. At times, it seemed so long ago; but some days, it still felt like yesterday. He closed his eyes tight for a second, pushing the memories back into the corners of his mind. 

He lowered his sight and focused on some indefinite point around the corner of the room, his face expressionless. He had thought that all those memories belonged to the past. He had thought that he managed to bury them deep in his mind so that they wouldn't haunt him, days and nights. And now, even the fake reality of the Matrix had proven him wrong. He remembered everything; from the moment he was unplugged, the first time he went to see the Oracle… Expectation from which he thought he was freed. The day when the little world he had built for himself in this - by that time - new reality was utterly changed. He remembered how hard he tried to convince himself it was for the better; and so he had told her. But she knew. The Oracle knew his words came from his mind, but not from his heart. He couldn't have fooled neither her, nor even himself. He remembered her words; he heard them later so many times during long, lonely nights. 

_"She can love you, but only as a friend, as her brother."_

These words, he had once thought they had set him free, while at some point he realized how it felt like. It didn't feel like freedom; more as though he merely moved from one prison to another. The feeling of freedom was distant, far beyond his grasp. Yet another kind of imprisonment, nothing more. Perhaps his mind had been freed long ago, but his heart set itself in bonds he was not likely to break. The long years when he cherished all that Trinity would give him had only made the bonds stronger. Even now, that she was gone, he could feel her. 

It was never easy. By the time they were unplugged, the 'reality check' gained a very literal meaning. Sometimes Ghost wondered who was the stronger one; he, with his stoical, patient attitude, ready to endure just about anything, and offer his gentle support when it was needed; or she, with her sense of purpose, eagerness to learn, fight and live. 

Trinity.

He often felt like he was asking for too much. On the one hand she had given him so much; her friendship, her trust, the sisterly kind of love. On the other hand, deep within him, his heart was constantly consumed by the searing desire for more, for a different kind of love. That desire was always hushed by reason, and Ghost knew it would never change, it had to stay like this. And yet it hurt. He had traded expectation for longing, and he honestly didn't know which was worse. 

It didn't matter how much it hurt; Ghost smiled wistfully, recalling all those moments. Words that were spoken, and those that never needed to be spoken loud. His first encounter with the Oracle, the truth he had come to learn, and – in time – understand. And… accept? He sometimes doubted that.

The sudden blow of wind pulled the window open, catching his attention. He looked up, his eyes followed the dark curtains as they waved gently on the wind. He glanced at the windowsill; the pigeon spread out its wings rapidly, and flew out of the window. Silence fell about the room. A single, small white feather traversed the room, and landed gracefully on the carpet, just few inches from the sofa. Strangely enchanted, Ghost leaned down and reached out his hand for the feather. 

The sudden quickening of his heartbeat surprised him. Caught off guard by the emotion he couldn't define, he sat upright and stared at the small item which rested on his palm. Somehow, it made him remember. He couldn't even gather his thoughts enough to wonder _why_ now, why in this place, it all came back to him, struck him once more without a warning. 

--

_"I know what I'm supposed to do. I have to go… to the Machine City."_

_'What?!'_

_Ghost looked at Neo, finding himself unable to believe his own ears. A quick glance was enough for him to see that that man was determined to carry out his plan, that he was completely serious. Insanely serious, so it seemed to Ghost. He looked at Trinity._

_And then, it hit him once more, as it always had when he saw them together. But this time, it hit him with full force. She loved that man. She wouldn't let him go alone, at any cost. That mission was suicide. He knew this. She knew this. Neo knew. Everyone did. And she was going with him. He could see it in her eyes, fixed on Neo, full of love, support, and… fear._

_'This can't be happening.'_

_His mind completely lost touch with reality. He could barely hear Roland protesting against that insane idea, Niobe offering their ship to Neo, the argument between the captains. He barely took notice of everyone leaving the room, one by one, with grave faces, hurrying to prepare everything for the departure of both ships. He overheard the words that made him feel sick in his stomach. 'Two ships, two directions.' This wasn't happening. It must have been a dream. _

_He couldn't move. He couldn't even see anything in front of him, even though his eyes were wide open, his face expressionless. He couldn't bring himself to express what began to happen inside him. He didn't notice Sparks coming up behind him, until the operator patted him on the back. _

_"Ghost? We're short on time, come on."_

_He turned around and looked at Sparks; a truly desperate, wild look. The only thing that showed how he felt, and only for what seemed but a fraction of a second. Sparks frowned. The way things were turning out, the decision that had just been made, stripped even him off of his usual reactions. Ghost couldn't tell what the other man was thinking. His voice seemed distant._

_"What's wrong with you?" Sparks asked, narrowing his eyes. _

_Ghost realized that he had given something away, and put on an indifferent look. But it hurt, hell, it did. He only shook his head and stormed through the door._

_He couldn't see where he was going. He didn't care. His mind barely registered the need of haste. He remembered bits and pieces of the conversation, broken images, leftovers of his quick glances at the crews of three ships. They shattered his mind, pulled him out of reality. He halted abruptly at the end of the corridor where it was dark; he found it relieving. Behind the metal wall, the Hammer's heat systems were humming, stifling the distant sounds of the rebels getting ready for the flight. Ghost leaned against the wall and slowly slid down onto the floor._

_Breathe, breathe._

_He sat, cross-legged and closed his eyes, then took a deep breath. And another. And then one more. He tried not to concentrate on this, and let his senses calm down, but something in his mind was crying out loud. _

_Breathe, breathe._

_Slowly, Ghost leaned backward and pressed his back against the wall, his eyes still closed. His breath began to steady and he relaxed a little, trying not to think of anything. Was it possible? Surely it was damn hard. Minutes passed. He didn't know how many. It seemed as if the line of time got somehow distorted, and everything bent out of shape._

_At the other end of the passage someone opened the heavy, metal door. Ghost heard footsteps and opened his eyes, looking to where the sound came from. The cold lights flickered, creating a strangely surreal vision of someone disappearing, like a phantom, and yet he knew it was real. The sound broke off suddenly, and the tall, dark silhouette halted half way through the corridor, leaning against the wall._

_Ghost felt his heartbeat quicken again, as he recognized the person. The way her hair surrounded her face, the way she stood, the curves of her figure, everything was so familiar, so well-known to him. Silently he lifted himself up, and walked to where she was. _

_Trinity took no notice of him, until he stood right in front of her, gently touching her shoulder. She raised her head, and looked at him. Their eyes met, and Ghost's heart ached. He read more in her face than she could ever say with words. _

_"You okay?" he asked, immediately bashing himself mentally for asking such a stupid question. She shuddered._

_"We're getting ready to leave." She said. "There isn't much time."_

_'She's leaving. She's Leaving. It's not a dream. Hell, no… this can't be happening.'_

_Ghost swallowed hard and slowly breathed out. "I guess it was meant to be this way." He said after a while, out of lack for a better way to cover the sensation that was turning his stomach upside down, and gripping onto his heart. He felt pressure on his chest, realizing how suddenly it was hard to take a deep breath. He knew what it was. It was fear. And it paralyzed._

_"I guess." She said, and looked away._

_"Trinity…" Ghost broke off, involuntarily squeezing her arm. There were no words. So much to say, so little time. So many boundaries. She looked back at him._

_"If you want to tell me something…"_

_Ghost lowered his head, swallowing down the tears that were fighting their way out. "Yes, there is something that I must tell you." He said quietly. His voice was breaking. As was his heart. "I don't think I ever said enough of it." He forced himself to look up at her. He could barely handle looking into her eyes, those tired, sorrowful eyes. He could barely resist the urge to take her away, far away from there, to keep her safe. "You are the most wonderful sister I could ever dream of having."_

_"Ghost…"_

_He gently shook his head, hushing her. "I know. You don't think you're coming back. But I'll tell you something. I believe. I believe tomorrow will come, and you will still be what you are. My sister. My dearest sister. Hell, Trinity. If you don't believe this, I'll believe for us both."_

_Trinity raised her hand and caressed his cheek with her palm. Her hand felt cold. Ghost had to fight with himself to stay as calm as he could. The whole of his being cried to take this cold away, to take away all of her fears, to fix all that had gone wrong. He wanted to do anything but just stand like this, and helplessly watch her leave. _

_"Do you remember…" she began quietly, her face suddenly growing calm, "that morning, when I woke up in your room? I asked you a question."_

_Ghost smiled wistfully, as the memory of that moment returned to him in an instant. He still remembered her face, back then. He remembered everything. He looked down. "I answered your question."_

_She placed her both hands on his shoulders and drew him closer to her. "Before I go, I want to know the _real_ answer."_

_Ghost's heart leaped. He shivered violently, for a short moment forgetting the promise he had given himself. He tried to find words, but none would come. He stared straight down, in silence._

_"Please."_

_He squeezed his eyes shut. So much for the promise. So much for the self-control. He let out a heavy sigh, still unable to find the strength to look at her. He knew he owed this to her. It scared him. He couldn't lie, even for her good. Not this time._

_"Yes." He gasped at last. "I do believe there is love worth any and every sacrifice. Love that doesn't ask questions, and knows all answers."_

_He felt as her arms gently surrounded him, drawing him closer to her warm body. He cursed himself; it wasn't supposed to be like this, he was supposed to comfort her, while he realized that it turned out exactly the other way around. She was strong. Even in that moment, when the amount of hope was next to none, she was. He thought he was, too. It's all wrong. All wrong. Now, it was too late, the last walls had collapsed. He put his arms around her, and suddenly he felt the full impact of what appeared in his mind when he first realized that she was really leaving. He knew, oh god, he knew that that moment would have to do for a lifetime. _

_He felt her body pressing gently against him, her hand soothingly running up and down his back, her cheek against his. He wished he could stop the time in that very moment, because as seconds passed quickly, he realized, more and more, that he would soon have to part with her. It hurt. His mind screamed against it; he couldn't let her go._

_"I'm scared." She whispered, burying her face in his neck. _

_Ghost bit his lower lip, so hard that the taste of blood brought him back to his senses. 'This can't be happening.'_

_"I know, sister. I know." He couldn't find words. Everything seemed pathetically trivial, pointless. Whatever there was left to say, couldn't be said. For her sake._

_Trinity raised her head and gently drew him away. He looked at her; he could tell she was scared. And there was nothing left for him to do to take that fear away._

_He had sworn this wouldn't happen. Not like this. It felt wrong, who was he to stand there like this, allowing himself to be overcome by something he had thought he learned to control so well. He was at the edge of emotions impossible to contain, he had never thought one could feel it so intensely. He could. It all flew out of him in the form of short, shallow breaths, two small tears that formed in the corners of his eyes, quickly blinked back so that she wouldn't see, his trembling hands, involuntarily seeking hers; in fear, hunger, and love. _

_It was more than a sensation, fighting its way through his body; it was pain that his heart gave birth to, filling the whole of his being. She was looking at him, frowning slightly, and Ghost realized he had lost the sense of time. He had been looking at her, but not seeing her; his mind displayed images of what could have been, but wasn't meant to be. He felt it, not fully aware of his actions, he heard himself whisper her name, time after time. The sound of his own voice seemed so distant, so not his, quietly voicing what felt like a scream in his mind._

_She drew him to herself once more, and Ghost gave in to what she offered. So much, and so little. For the last time. He felt her shiver. And he understood, much more fully than ever before._

_She was his sister, and he was her brother. _That_ was meant to be. She wasn't always as tough as she made herself look like. She shared the same kind of fear, that lived deep in Ghost's heart; hidden, never allowed to surface. He knew what she had to do, and he knew why – for love, and no fear would ever stop her. She was ready to give everything for the man she loved. And she would. He knew it, he understood; because he would give just as much, for her. _

_He drew her away and looked at her beautiful, tired face. He watched as a shadow of a sad smile painted her lips._

_"Thank you." She spoke in small voice._

_"No, I thank _you_."  Ghost protested, shaking his head. "When you come back—"_

_"Ghost." She hushed him, "Please. Don't." she whispered. "Don't do all that. You know as well as I what all of this means. Do just one thing." _

_"What?"_

_"Remember me. Just remember."_

_Ghost gasped; the world around him began to swirl at unbelievable speed. Somehow he managed to regain some control over his body before it gave away the truth; that at that very moment, his heart was no longer whole. He managed to give a small nod, and register that she looked away, glancing down the corridor._

_"I must go."_

_"I know."_

_"Good luck, brother."_

_"I'll pass all of mine on to you."_

_A small, wistful smile passed her face. They had said the same words so many times before; each time their ships were leaving Zion and they knew it could take months until they would see each other again. A good luck charm. A ritual, almost; established over the past twelve years. Always the same words. Always the same hope. But not this time. Ghost knew why she didn't say what she would say at any other time. Something inside him was telling him that it just wouldn't work; it couldn't have fooled either of them. Not this time. And she knew. He could read it in her face._

_She squeezed his hand and pulled herself back, turning to leave. Then she stopped, and looked back at him, his hand still in hers; at a distance, and yet so close. _

_"Promise me something." she said._

_"Anything."_

_"When this hell is over, you have to live to remember." She tried to give her voice a firm tone, but it failed miserably. Such was the way to say 'goodbye', the word neither of them found possible to say. And neither did._

_"I will." Ghost said quietly, looking into her eyes; the eyes he loved with his whole heart. As she turned around and walked away, their hands parted in mid-air. He brought his hands to his face, using all his strength to fight back an involuntary sob. Something died in him that moment, as her slender silhouette disappeared round the corner._

---

The image faded. Suddenly, Ghost felt uneasy; he could sense someone watching him. He straightened himself, and looked around. A little girl stood in doorway across the room, observing him intensely from under her long, dark lashes. Her big, dark eyes studied his figure; Ghost couldn't help the feeling that she could somehow see through him. He looked at her, surprised and not fully knowing what to do. The girl tilted her head and kept staring at him, as though she pondered whether to approach him, or leave. 

At last, she crossed her little arms on her chest – Ghost thought that it looked like she was trying to give herself more courage – and paced towards the sofa. He watched her warily, not sure what to make out of what he was seeing. Her posture demonstrated hesitancy, but in her eyes there was self-confidence he had never seen in a child. She stopped right in front of him, and did the last thing Ghost had expected. She smiled shyly and took his hand into hers, closing his fingers about the feather. 

Ghost looked at her face, meeting a pair of eyes in which he saw something more. Again, something he hadn't expected. Understanding. The girl smiled.

"My name is Sati. You're Ghost. But you're not scary at all, Ghost." She said, and her smile widened. She cocked her head and blinked a few times. Ghost wondered how she knew his name, and yet he couldn't help a smile, hearing her say that. He took off his shades and looked directly at her. 

"Look what we've got here. A brave little girl, you are." He said warmly. 

Sati sat on the floor in front of him, raised her head and looked up. The smile on her face disappeared, her face suddenly growing serious. Too serious for so small a child. Ghost felt the same kind of discomfort as when she appeared in the room. He put the shades beside him on the coach, observing her. His eyes met with hers.

"You miss her very much." She said. Her eyes were fixed on his face. 

Involuntarily, Ghost pulled himself back. "What?" he gasped.

"You are sad. Don't be sad, Ghost." She said, shifting position to sit on her knees. She ignored the shocked look on his face. "She would cry if she knew." She whispered, and took his hand in both of hers. 

Ghost felt his heart pounding and looked away, at a complete loss for words. Who was that girl and _how_ did she know things she had spoken of? The question echoed in his mind, mingling with images of Trinity that flashed suddenly before his eyes, scarily sharp and clear. He blinked a few times, trying to regain some composure, but to no avail. He looked blankly at Sati, then looked away, trying to determine whether this was real, or was it just his mind that was playing tricks on him. 

Something forced him to look back at her, and meet those big, dark eyes, focused on him. Her look was piercing; the feeling that she could literally see through him was ever increasing. The girl sent him a reassuring smile. She drew even closer to him, resting her elbows on his lap, and her chin on her hands. 

"You can still tell her." She whispered. 

Ghost's heart surpassed all possible speed limits.

"Sati, honey." 

A warm female voice spoke on the other side of the room. The Oracle looked at the girl, and reached out her hand, holding a plate of cake. Three identical, perfectly sliced pieces. Sati sent Ghost a quick look, got herself up, and ran to the woman. 

"Go find Seraph honey, when I'm finished here, we will go for a walk." She said calmly, and handed the plate to the girl. Sati took it from her with a wide smile blooming on her face. Then she ran out of the room, carefully carrying the plate in both hands in front of her. 

Ghost shivered. The child's voice still echoed in his mind.

The Oracle stepped aside and he saw Niobe as she walked out of the door behind her, with a strangely blank look. She didn't say anything, nor did she look at her companion. Silently, she paced across the room to the window and turned around, folding her arms. The Oracle turned back to Ghost, and waved her hand at him.

"Come in. There's still some cake left." She said, and turned to enter the room, not waiting for him to react.

Ghost picked his shades, trying to control his shaking hand, and rose from the sofa. He felt slightly lightheaded. He was trying hard to understand what had happened in the past few minutes, but this time, it indeed felt like a dream. Whether a good or a bad dream, he hadn't decided yet. He cast a quick look at Niobe. The woman stood still by the window, apparently paying no attention to her surroundings at that moment. Ghost thought to himself that it surely wasn't a good sign. He let out a small, inaudible sigh, and headed to the room where the old woman had vanished. He came in, and closed the door behind him.

The Oracle stood behind the table, leaning against the table top. She looked meaningfully at the chair across from her, and gestured towards it. 

"Here, take a seat." She said, and sat down herself. She took a cigarette out of the box. Ghost watched as her old-looking, wrinkled hands played with it, rolling it between the fingers. Reluctantly, he seated himself in front of the woman.

"You know why you're here?" The Oracle leaned back in the chair, her eyes studying the man in front of her; the wise, watchful eyes which saw through him. He knew they did.

"You know the answer to that question." Ghost said hesitantly, his voice sounding unnatural to him.

The woman smiled. "The real question is, do _you _know." With that, she pointed her index finger at him. 

She kept watching him with an intense look, but Ghost realized that this look wasn't making him feel uncomfortable. Contrary to the statement she had made. "I don't expect you to tell me."

The Oracle slightly lowered her head, the smile never leaving her face. She put the cigarette between her lips, and reached out for a box of matches. She lit the cigarette, slowly, observing the flame as it kindled its end. The still burning match landed in the ashtray. Ghost watched out of the corner of his eye as the small flame slowly died out.

"You don't? Quite the opposite, Ghost." The woman replied matter-of-factly, but without the irony Ghost had been expecting. "You're expecting me to show you the path, but you already know it." 

Ghost looked away, absent-mindedly shaking his head. Outside it began to rain. He listened to the droplets hitting the window, and watched as the view dissolved behind the sudden wall of rain. It reminded him of falling. Seconds turned to minutes as he tried to put the thoughts in his mind in the right order.

"Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.*" 

The Oracle's voice brought him back to the present. Ghost looked back at her. "I have already accepted it." He said quietly. "I had to."

The woman's expression changed in an instant. The slight smile disappeared, replaced by a rather grave look. "You mistake choice for acceptance." She locked eyes with him and exhaled the smoke, then put the cigarette away on the ashtray. "Yes," she nodded thoughtfully, "I know you think you're about to make one. But I'll tell you something. You have already made it. You just have to let yourself understand that this part is already done. And that now you must learn to accept the consequences of your choice."

Ghost shrugged. She knew. She always knew. Not that he expected anything else from her; and yet it always startled him, how accurately she pulled the right strings. He swallowed hard, forcing himself to hold up her gaze.

"I'll accept whatever is to come." _"Sooner or later." _ He mused.

"Sooner than you think." The Oracle narrowed her eyes slightly, "In your world, people must learn to lay their trust where trust is due. And _only_ there." 

Ghost looked at her suspiciously, but said nothing. Instead, he nodded and lifted himself from the chair. "Thank you." He said simply, and turned to leave.

"Ghost." 

He stopped, his hand resting on the handle. He turned around and looked at the Oracle with a questioning look. 

"Don't stick to the dark side if there's another way. There are too many in there already. Some are too going through the pain of a loss." She stood up, and came close to him. "I know what you're thinking." She inclined her head; the warm, soothing look reappeared on her face. "Things don't make sense anymore, do they?" 

Ghost slowly shook his head. A shadow of resignation passed across his face, and he looked down.

"They will, once you understand that the choice you have made is one of many that are ahead of you."

"What if I can't do it? Can't choose?" he asked, not looking at her.

"When you have to make a choice and don't make it, that is in itself a choice."

Ghost smiled. "William James." 

The Oracle nodded and returned the smile. "But what control over your own life would you then have? You believe in choice, so make use of what you believe in."

"Sometimes I'm not sure what I believe in anymore. Reality has verified most of it in the past few months." He said in quiet voice, trying to fight back the emotion that suddenly came over him. He couldn't recognize himself. It was not like him to lose his composure like this. 

The woman nodded sympathetically. "I know. I won't lie to you, Ghost. Whichever path you take, it won't be easy. But remember, everyone is given a second chance. It is only up to them if they will see it, and take it, or not."

Ghost looked closely at her. "Second chance to do what?"

"To live. Not exist, but live."

He smiled wistfully and gave a small nod. "Thank you."

"Instead of thanking me, there's something else you should do." She said.

"What?" he asked, slightly surprised.

The Oracle smiled warmly. "Believe it."

Ghost turned around, and walked out of the door. He closed it quietly behind him, and looked at Niobe. The woman was still where he had last seen her; apparently contemplating something. She turned abruptly, seeing Ghost approach her, and put on a stern face again. She glanced quickly at the door, implying that they had no time to waste. Ghost knew; she didn't need to say anything. Without a word, they left the apartment and ran downstairs, not even bothering to wait for the elevator. Niobe pulled out her cell phone and dialed the number.

_"Operator." _ 

"Sparks, we're on our way. Catch a download from the Construct when you pull us out."

_"Ready when you are."_

They left the building, and Niobe quickly headed for the car. Ghost followed her, then halted in half-step, realizing that it wasn't raining anymore. Suddenly, he remembered something. He opened his hand; all that time, he had been squeezing the white feather. He looked at it, and smiled to himself. He reached out his hand and let the wind carry the feather away. 

--------------------------  
  
* William James [like that was a surprise. Pffft. I'm quotes freak. Oh well.]

**BIG** **Thank You to: **Shan, Laura and Tasar for helping me go through this. Believe me, it was hard. *hugs*__

**wintergirl**: I like cliffies too ;) They're evil. But hopefully keep people coming back. :) And yes, Niobe is an awesome character. Even though I'm more of a Trinity obsessive [lol], I completely adore this woman. And I hope I'm doing her justice in this piece :)

**ith**: My faithful reader, yay! :D Still getting better? ;) My hope is that it won't get *worse*, doesn't have to get better ;)

**Audrey A**: Once again, thank you :)

**Fuhrer**: It's my pleasure. I've learned a bit while researching, too, so it's all good. Many positive outcomes out of two days of hard work, that sure as hell is worth it. I'm glad you liked it.

**Empathy**: As I already told you, I do that to people :P You challenged me to write another Ghost/Trinity bit, so here you have it. A huge one, too. Hope you like it.


	7. The Shadows of the Past

Ghost opened his eyes as soon as Sparks pulled the plug from the back of his head. He glanced at Niobe; the Captain hadn't spoken at all on their way back to the exit. It began to worry him; not that Niobe was the most talkative person alive, but she wasn't usually this quiet. Subconsciously, Ghost knew that something the Oracle had told her was worrying her. He sighed, realizing that it was useless to think about this in advance – they would find out soon enough.

He got up from his jumpchair, his eyes following Sparks who jumped quickly back in the operator's chair. He had kept himself busy downloading the data Niobe had brought with her to the Construct; it was now being transferred to their ship's mainframe computer. Ghost looked back at Niobe once more; her face was telling him as much as nothing. She was perfectly expressionless, her eyes fixated on the monitor in front of her. She rubbed the back of his head where the main plug was; Ghost noticed that she would always do that when she was troubled; for some reason he didn't understand. But each time she did that, he knew something was about to happen.

As soon as 'Transfer complete' flashed on the monitor, Niobe stepped closer to the station and nodded at Sparks to load the data. Ghost folded his arms on his chest, occasionally glancing at Niobe out of the corner of his eye.

Sparks leaned back in his chair, and looked at them. "Well? What the hell is that?"

Ghost didn't take his eyes off of the screen. "A map."

The operator rolled his eyes. "Thank you, Mister Obvious, I can see as much. But why on earth would we need it? I can give you maps of every pipeline that's ever been scouted in these sewers faster than you can blink."

"Not one like this. I think these are places we should avoid. These scans are… weird, though."  She said, pointing at another monitor. "It's nothing like what we have."

"At least this confirms what we already know. There's a strong electromagnetic field in here, but…" Ghost broke off, frowning.

Niobe looked at him, almost mirroring his expression. "But according to this, right now we're in the middle of it."

Sparks threw his hands in the air, shaking his head. "We can't be! This can't be accurate."

Niobe raised an eyebrow, and shot him a serious look. "Sparks, compare this map with the scans, and with everything our sensors managed to pick up. I want to see how accurate it is compared to what we have."

Sparks sighed. "Not that I think you care for _my_opinion, but we're getting into something we shouldn't. I mean think about it, what can we do?"

"I don't know yet, but I know what _you_can do. Exactly what I told you, and you'd better hurry. I want to know before we go." Said Niobe, turning to Ghost. "Come on. Let's get back to the Hammer. We need to get moving."

*

They turned on all the lights. The dark, gloomy sewer lit up in an instant. The warped shape of the _Hammer _appeared in full view; Ghost thought that in this darkness, and at a distance, it resembled a faint memory of a nightmare he had once dreamed. Or perhaps it wasn't just a dream. He shook it off; but the haunting memory kept growing on him. He watched the ship with a thoughtful look on his face. He folded his arms on his chest, as if shielding himself from the cold; but the truth was that he didn't even feel it. It seemed as if he was back in the time when the _Logos _was brought back to Zion. The wave of memories was overwhelming. It had kept on growing, welling up in him, until it reached the point where he just gave in to them, and let them pass at their own pace rather than fight them. Fighting seemed in vain anyway.

_Everyone gathered at the dock. Even Lock. They said here and there, that now, as the machines had retreated back to the surface and seemingly weren't a threat anymore, the Commander had been considering giving up on the military life. They said he was done. Perhaps he was; it didn't matter how much of it was true. The only truth was that the war had changed everyone; though not equally. _

_Hundreds of people. Ghost thought that was what it must have looked like when the people of the last human city were preparing to make their last stand against the machines. Just that back then, in their hearts there surely was fear, as was in his own – mingled with determination, and hope. Now, it was replaced with grief and distress. It had dimmed the joy of victory. _

_He remembered the dock when they had made their return to Zion, in the middle of the furious battle. He remembered it afterwards, too; though now the memories appeared veiled, as if it all had happened much longer than merely three months before. The bodies. The damage. The aftermath had humbled everyone._

_They rejoiced. For a while. And then the harsh smell of blood and burning hardware brought everyone back to reality._

_He remembered walking among hundreds of people, who were looking for their loved ones among the fallen. He didn't fully understand his own reasons for being there; he wasn't sure what kept bringing him back to the destroyed dock. He had no one. He wasn't looking for anyone, nor was anyone looking for him. He wasn't looking for comfort, either. He felt it more somewhere on a subconscious level – that there was a reason, that he had to be there. He rather sought to give it to others, even though not completely intentionally. _

_There wasn't much he, or anyone, could do. Lay a gentle hand on a crying mother's shoulder. Give a sympathetic nod to a wife crying over what's left of her husband's earthly being. Shake hands with grieving sisters and brothers and children of another fallen soldier. Help a child carry the body of his father to the crematorium, as he wouldn't let the ground team take it away. _

_They all had sold their lives to a purpose, hoping the outcome would serve the generations that were to come after them. Ghost understood it, and yet the overwhelming sorrow that lay about the dock struck him hard. And it struck him how little time they had for their grief. There was work to do, that wouldn't let them carry their tears anywhere else but deep in their hearts. _

_Most of the bodies were cremated. The gardens would have had to be twenty times bigger to host all the dead. So, they burned them. Ghost once wondered if the families had even had a chance to keep the ashes. It was highly doubtful; he found it strangely ironic._

_He remembered staying near the dock for days. He hoped that one day the gate would open, and the last ship would return home._

_He had hoped they survived. Both of them. One day, he realized that he could never provide what Trinity needed, given she were alive, somewhere in the world. He wasn't the One. He wasn't Neo. No matter how much and of what kind of love she had had for him in the past, Ghost knew that Trinity's life depended on Neo's, much like Ghost's depended on hers. And the more days passed, the clearer it was that it was fading. He had been struggling with that thought for a while. But then he thought, perhaps he wouldn't ever come as close to peace as acceptance; but perhaps he could at least try._

_And then, at last, the Logos had been carted back to Zion. The last sparkles of hope faded into nothingness, and his heart sank._

_He remembered how they brought it in, on a platform. It was covered, and Ghost was glad that it was that way. He remembered a young woman's voice, singing somewhere above them, on one of the rebuilt decks. A mournful song it was, though he couldn't recall much of the words later on. He remembered looking up to see where the voice came from, but he couldn't see through the burning tears. _

_Many cried openly. Ghost didn't. Not until he realized that he was about to stand face to face with what he had feared. Then, he let the tears fall freely, but he remained unmoving._

_He remembered six men surrounding the platform, and as they revealed what was left of the Logos, two hot tears ran down his cheeks. He turned around. He couldn't stand looking at that ship. His mind was screaming that it was real, and that that was the end. He could no longer deny it, nor could he feed his hope. He couldn't tell himself that it wasn't real, as he used to do in the Matrix. The song from above pierced his ears, breaking into his mind._

_"And when I come home_

_Remember me, like I remembered you_

_Long, so long was the road_

_It's now yours to conquer, too_

_And when I close my eyes_

_Remember my last breath_

_The light at the end of the road_

_Will show me the way back home."_

_He didn't remember how he got back to his quarters. He vaguely remembered Niobe; she caught his arm when he turned to leave before the gathering was over. She said something to him; he remembered that it hurt, but he couldn't recall what it was. It didn't matter anymore; nothing did. It didn't matter that she never meant to hurt him; even hearing another's voice was painful._

_He had tried to sleep. During the next three days, he had slept for a few hours, just to wake up, sweating and shivering, from one nightmare after another. He had been trying to find peace in meditation; but his thoughts wandered. His mind kept displaying strange, haunting images of Trinity, the war, the destruction of Zion that had been so near to happen. Then he would fall asleep again, weary from every even slightest movement. The heaviness in his chest turned to dull pain that seemed almost physical; Ghost found himself unable to fight it off. _

_On the third day he sat upright on the bed, and remained in one position for long hours, still like stone, until the noises outside died out. He shifted on the bed, and looked wistfully towards the door._

_She would never again walk through that door. She would never again sit right next to him on that bed. He would never again hear her voice, feel her touch, smell her delicate scent. And yet he couldn't help the feeling that she was still present, somehow, in everything she had ever touched._

_That night, for the first time he had gathered the strength to try and put into words some of the things that had accumulated in his mind over the past twelve years. All that he always wanted to say, but what he knew he never could._

_"You left me breathless so many times. Each night you left for your quarters, after long hours of discussion, mocking, laughing, fighting, you left me craving more, always more. I remember you saying that you were nothing special. And I remember myself saying that you were wrong, so wrong, Trin. You were, you… are, the most special person in the world. To me, and to all others who knew and admired you, you are. And you will always be._

_You know, I had dreams. In those dreams I was telling you all that I could never tell you in person. And I wondered, how come it felt more real when I dreamed than when I was awake. Reality hurt, sleep was an escape. There, you were mine, much more than a sister of mine. There, I could tell myself it was meant to be. That kept me going… the knowledge that I would see you again, even if a long time would pass. I saw joy shining in your eyes when we met, after long months, and I knew it all was worth it. There's nothing more beautiful than holding you in my arms again, even for a brief while, after a long separation. It kept me going… what will do that from now on? I have nothing to look forward to. Nothing. There's just nothing there, Trin. _

_I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't there to save you. I'm sorry I did nothing. I know, it wasn't my path, it wasn't my part to play. Still, I'm sorry. I can't help thinking that perhaps there was something I could have done, perhaps… damn, I don't know. It's all becoming far too hard to grasp. I know you hadn't expected anything more of me than I have done, but I promised that I would watch over you, always. And in the times when I had a chance to keep that promise, I failed. And you slipped away. _

_I'm no longer the person you used to know, Trinity. I'm a shadow of the man I used to be, if even that. I can't, just can't imagine how life just goes on without you. Somehow it seems that it's going, but I'm standing aside, watching it play before my eyes, and I can't jump back in. I remember our dreams, about peace, about all those things we wanted to do once the war was over. Now, it's all gone. Turned to ash and dust. That dependency is killing me. It feels as if a great part of me died with you, a vital part. Sometimes I feel like I could go… somewhere, anywhere, and scream all this pain out. But instead, I swallow down the tears, and push on. For you. For the sake of all we used to share… _

_Never thought that being truly alone can hurt this much. I always rather enjoyed it. Now I fear it. I know that the time when I'm alone won't end with you coming here, and it hurts, Trin, it hurts like hell."_

A sudden noise behind him interrupted Ghost's train of thought. He turned around abruptly, just to see Sparks jump onto the ground. Sparks' brow furred when he saw the absent expression on Ghost's face.

"Look, mate." He said while stepping towards him, and rested his hands on his hips. "I'm trying my damn hardest to get the hang of your oh-so-burning need to contemplate everything around you. But see, I'm not too comfy with the idea of hanging around here until some big fuckass machine chops my head off."

"It could do us a favor and chop off your tongue, that's for sure."

Niobe stood right behind him, her arms folded, a rather bored look on her face. She passed by the two men, heading towards the other hovercraft.

Ghost's eyes followed her as she walked by. Then he looked once more at the Mjolnir, remembering to focus on the present, not on the past. Still, a quiet voice inside his head was telling him that perhaps it wasn't yet the time to let the past go.


End file.
